Why "Should" is a Bad Word!

Dissatisfied Business Lady


According to the dictionary, the definition used as a verb is: -used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions : he should have been careful | I think we should trust our people more | you shouldn't have gone.• indicating a desirable or expected state : by now students should be able to read with a large degree of independence.• used to give or ask advice or suggestions : you should go back to bed |what should I wear?• ( I should) used to give advice : I should hold out if I were you.

Common statements I hear from my clients:

"I should be more organized"

"I should be on time"

"I should take more initiative on my projects"

"I should make dinner every night for my family"

Is "should" a positive or negative way of thinking?  In my opinion it steers more to the negative than the positive.

How does "should-ing"  all over ourselves help us move forward?  It doesn't!

When you put the word "should" in your sentence, it's like you are comparing yourself to someone else.  You are putting down yourself and thinking the other is right or better for some reason.  I see this a lot with my ADHD clients, the negative self-talk gets in the way of moving forward.  Instead you get stuck and continue to believe that someone else is better.

Now don't get me wrong, getting organized, learning time management techniques, taking more initiative and meal planning can all be positive things, as long as they are to your standard and what you need and want.  Not what you "should" be doing.

A very important question to ask yourself after you just used "should"  is..... What do I really want?  

"I want to be more organized"

"I want to be on time"

"I want to take more initiative on my projects"

"I want to better meal for my family"

When you put "want" instead of "should", you instantly put the high expectation into one that is more realistic for you!

What you want to do and should do, are two different things.  If you really want change, you will see change.  If you should do something because someone else wants it, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Until Next Time...

Take Care,