Say Goodbye to ‘I’m Sorry’

"I'm sorry I'm late."

"I forgot, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, I haven't gotten that done yet."

“I’m going to need to reschedule our meeting. I’m sorry.”

Do any of these phrases sound like something you might say, or maybe have even said to someone recently? Of course! Whether you have ADHD or not, many of us have a habit of apologizing any time we feel we have done something wrong or let someone down.

There is certainly nothing wrong with saying "I'm sorry". It acknowledges that you recognize and understand the situation that caused you to say it in the first place.

For ADHDers, you may feel like you're constantly saying "I'm sorry", whether or not there was even anything to truly be sorry about.

This can be a common response due to things like rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). Saying “I’m sorry” can be used as a defense mechanism that causes you to feel the need to take the blame in order to please others and avoid any feelings of rejection.

The problem with constantly apologizing for everything, is that you are highlighting that you did something wrong—usually to someone else. This can cause you to create an image of yourself you may not want others to see or think about you. It can even subconsciously begin to create a negative self-image, and destroy your self-esteem, and you may not even realize it’s happening.

Now, I can certainly agree that we all need to take responsibility for our actions. However, I'm not so sure if saying "I'm sorry" is the best way to do that.

Turn a Negative Into a Positive

Here’s how it works: The next time you feel yourself about to say, "I'm sorry", say "thank you", instead.

Now, I can already hear you saying, "I'm supposed to say 'thank you' instead of apologizing?!" But, I promise, once I explain, it will make so much more sense.

When you offer your thanks to someone else, you are acknowledging something positive they did, and you are showing your appreciation.

With this strategy, you can turn a potentially negative situation into something positive, and highlight something good that someone else did. Doesn’t this sound so much better than constantly dumping blame and shame on yourself by highlighting something you did wrong,

How to Turn "I'm Sorry" into "Thank You"

Here are a few examples of how you can turn “I’m sorry” into “Thank You”:

As you can see, there are plenty of ways you can turn the negative feelings of self-blame into positive praise for the other person, all without canceling out your responsibility in the situation.

Now it's your turn

How can you turn your "I'm sorry"s into "thank you"s or other positive phrases we didn’t cover here?

See what you're able to come up with, and how it works in your everyday interactions with others. Then, come back and take time to reflect on your intereactions. How did it make you feel to say "thank you" instead of "I'm sorry"? What was the reaction of the other person/people? How did their reaction make you feel?

We would love to hear what other phrases you come up with, and how they worked, out in the real world. Feel free to connect with us on social media or head over to our Contact page and share your "thank you" ideas and experiences.

Thank you for your time and attention,

Nikki