Creating Successful Relationships

Relationships take work.

Being part of a couple, especially where one or both partners have ADHD, requires time and energy to be successful.

Recently on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, Pete and I spoke with Dr. Michelle Frank about the couple’s therapy method, The Gottman Method.

What is The Gottman Method?

According to The Gottman Institute, 

The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy...and integrates research-based interventions… The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection; remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy; and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship. 

A big part of any type of couple’s therapy is communication; being able to talk to one another.

Here are a few tips on communicating with your significant other:

• From Healthypsych.com: When communicating, it can be helpful to identify what you appreciate about the other and state those things.  Gottman’s research indicates that those in successful relationships make 5 times as many positive statements as negative ones when discussing problems.

• From The Gottman Institute: We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.

• From Marriage.com: Effective communication between couples starts with respect. If you promise something to your partner, follow through on your promise.

The bottom line is, couples need to work together to be successful. 

Dr. Michelle Frank said it best this way:

A lot of couples end up being very ‘you against me’ instead of ‘us against the problem’.

Which side are you on?

Thank you for your time and attention,

-Nikki