Why Self-Compassion is Necessary When Living with ADHD
Why do you treat yourself worse than you would treat a dear friend?
That's the central question of today's conversation and it centers on our ability to muster self-compassion, a practice of treating ourselves well when we need it, rather than thinking of ourselves only in terms of our struggles.
The conversation starts with a walkthrough of concepts from The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, as well as Neff's TEDxTalk, "The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion.". Central to the conversation are the three core elements presented by Neff and Germer:
Self-Kindness
Common Humanity
Mindfulness
We walk through each with examples today, and take a tour of the interconnected elements of anxiety and depression that sidle up next to ADHD on this journey toward self-compassion, and review how that impacts the ADHD brain. From there: Tools to build the muscle of self-compassion before you hit an ADHD storm!
-
Pete Wright:
Hello everybody, and welcome to Taking Control, the ADHD podcast on TruStory FM. I'm Pete Wright, and I'm here with Nikki Kinzer.
Nikki Kinzer:
Hello, everyone. Hello, Pete Wright.
Pete Wright:
Oh, hi.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, hi.
Pete Wright:
Hi, Nikki.
Nikki Kinzer:
Hi.
Pete Wright:
Oh, hi. It's snowing right now. I mean, legit snowing. Come on, weather.
Nikki Kinzer:
We had some snow this morning too.
Pete Wright:
Get over yourself, weather. I'm done. I'm done. We are talking about self-compassion today. I certainly have no weather compassion. But self-compassion, I am in search of.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, good.
Pete Wright:
Today I was actually, I was reading your notes as I was preparing for this show, and feeling like, "Yes, good. I get to confront some things today."
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, you do.
Pete Wright:
That's great. That's just terrific.
Nikki Kinzer:
You are going to be part of this.
Pete Wright:
It's good stuff. And I think, as always, if it's a skill I haven't yet learned, it's not for lack of trying over the last 12 years we've been doing this show, 13 years, something like that. And it's possibly one of the most important skill we can learn for ourselves,-
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely.
Pete Wright:
... if you have ADHD. So, here we go. Before we dig in, though, head over to Take Control ADHD, get to know us a little bit better. You can listen to the show right there on the website, or subscribe to the mailing list, and we will send you an email each time a new episode is released. You can connect with us on Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest at takecontrolADHD. But to really connect with us, jump into our discord community. Super easy to get into the general community chat channel. Just visit, takecontroladhd.com/discord, and you will be whisked over to the general invitation page, and log in.
If you're looking for a little bit more, particularly if the show has ever touched you or helped you understand your relationship with ADHD in a new way, we invite you to support the show directly through Patreon. Patreon is listener-supported podcasting. With just a few dollars a month, you can help guarantee that we continue tot grow the show, add new features, and invest more heavily in our community. Visit patreon.com/theADHDpodcast to learn more. Thank you members, for your support. How's the tax thing going? Oh, taxes aren't going well.
Nikki Kinzer:
No, the tax study hall's going great. We had our first one this last weekend. And I'm not sure on Saturday because I wasn't the one hosting it, Melissa was hosting it on Saturday. On Sunday, though, we had some people show up and it was great. I actually got my office cleaned, which is a step closer to getting my taxes done, because now that the office is clean, now I feel like I can really dig in next weekend. It's a process, Pete. It's a process.
Pete Wright:
Okay. It is. It's a process.
Nikki Kinzer:
And we're offering it to all Patreon members. So, now's the time. If you haven't been thinking or if you've been thinking about joining Patreon and haven't yet, this might be something that might encourage you to do it. Get some help.
Pete Wright:
Let taxes push you over the edge.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right, right.
Pete Wright:
All right. Any other news? Do we have any other news to share with folks?
Nikki Kinzer:
Not right now.
Pete Wright:
Then let's get into self-compassion. All right, Nikki. This is actually a kickoff to a whole series, a whole series of self-compassion.
Nikki Kinzer:
A whole series. I'm so excited. This is a good one.
Pete Wright:
Oh my goodness. All right. So, where did this come from?
Nikki Kinzer:
It came from a couple of different avenues, but essentially, I'm going to say it came from a client that I was working with and she and I were working on some coaching stuff, and then she was also working with a therapist around some self-compassion things. She had shared a book with me that her therapist had actually recommended, and it's called the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive. And I've had the book, this isn't going to be any surprise, I've had the book for a while and have not dug into it. It just sits on my desk.
But then when we decided to do this series, I thought, well, what a great way to kick it off before we get our guests to come on and talk about their takes on self-compassion, to dig into this book with you a little bit, Pete.
Pete Wright:
I'm looking forward to it. I should say, I have not read the book and I have submitted my hold on the book through Libby, and I am on a wait. So, I will probably get the book well after we finish this series.
Nikki Kinzer:
That's okay.
Pete Wright:
That's my current run with Libby. So, I'm excited to learn what you have learned, and have you share these insights and poke me, I guess.
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely. And I titled the show Why Self-Compassion Is Necessary when Living with ADHD, because I think it is such an important subject, because there is such a huge lack of self-compassion with a lot of the people that I work with and have talked to. And when something goes wrong, I will hear from my clients that they immediately blame themselves. And I see this in the simplest thing.
For example, I may make a mistake and maybe I didn't send an email to a client, I was going to send them a worksheet or something and I forgot to send it. They immediately think they didn't get it and got lost. Or they'll think that, I don't know, they put the blame on themselves. And it happens so quickly, there's no pause. It's just immediately your fault. And no grace, and very harsh internal conversation and shame around, "I'm a bad person." You relate to that?
Pete Wright:
Well, I mean, you say it as if it's, I don't know. I don't want to say you're saying it as if it's a surprise, but I imagine people who don't have that experience think that that would be a surprise. "Why are you so mean to yourself?"
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
But that's not a surprise to me. That's 8AM Monday morning. I'm a bloodhound for sniffing out reasons to be hard on myself.
Nikki Kinzer:
To be mean. Well, and I think that you have a good point. It isn't a surprise for our listeners because they're dealing with it every single day. This isn't something that, "Oh, I really made a mistake and I feel bad about." These are things that you're feeling all the time every day, that you're dealing with and battling with. And so, it's tough. And I think that ADHDers are very hard on themselves, and then we have this RSD that kicks in, and you can easily go down a very dark spiral.
And just to remind people what RSD is, it's the rejection sensitivity dysphoria. We had an excellent podcast with Dr. Dodson, who explained this.But essentially, it's being very sensitive to what other people think or say about you. So, any kind of feedback, whether it's constructive or not, you take it very personally. And the episodes of RSD can be really intense, but they do pass. So, when we've talked about RSD in the past, in our show, we talk about that they do pass. You will get through it.
I strongly believe that with self-compassion, you're going to get through it much quicker. And that's why self compassion is so critical for ADHDers, because it is a way to cope with RSD and limiting beliefs that you have about yourself. It's a healthy way that serves you, rather than beating yourself up and continuing this path of shame. It actually will do more for your motivation if you're supporting yourself verse beating yourself up. And I want to share an example from the TED Talk.
Pete Wright:
Okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
So, the book-
Pete Wright:
Nikki, do you want me to play a clip of the TED Talk?
Nikki Kinzer:
... You don't have to, I'll just explain it, because I have my own spin on it.
Pete Wright:
Sure.
Nikki Kinzer:
So, one of the authors, Kristin Neff, has a TEDx Talk, and we'll put the link to the show notes, because it's really good. And she explains how this son comes home with an F, and the parent responds with anger. "Why? How did you do this? You should have done this. You can do better than this. I'm so ashamed of you. You're a bad person because you got this F." So, the son, teenage son, is already dealing with his own criticism, and now he hears it from his parent. So now it's double downed, because he feels like complete poo-poo. His motivation of doing anything different or better is pretty low because he's still beating himself up. "Why try? I'm going to fail again. I just keep failing."
So her example is, now let's say that the parent responds with compassion. So now, the parent is saying, "I know this is disappointing. How can I help you? How can I support you right now?" Way different feel. Because now the son doesn't have to sit in his own shame. He can be disappointed, because, yes, this is a feeling that's not going to go away. It sucks that you got this F. That hurts. But with the support of the parent, he might now want to figure out what to do to get a different outcome in the future. He doesn't want to give up. He wants to keep trying.
Pete Wright:
I think where that example strikes me, and where I find it difficult, and frankly where I find it difficult to challenge that or push that muscle, even when dealing with my own son, right,-
Nikki Kinzer:
Right, absolutely.
Pete Wright:
... who lives with this stuff, right? Is that it is so natural to live in this space of lack of self-compassion, of self loathing. You are so convinced. It is so natural, it's effortless. That's really it. It is effortless to be hard on yourself, right? It's very difficult. It is a high-calorie burn struggle to be easy on yourself. And so, that's what I'm looking for, not just in this discussion, but in this week. What is it that we can do to make it easier and more instinctive over time, to build new habits that are positive towards self-compassion? That actually help you break the calcification of self-disrespect-
Nikki Kinzer:
Right, right.
Pete Wright:
... in the process. Does that make sense?
Nikki Kinzer:
It makes a lot of sense.
Pete Wright:
Because that's where I'm [inaudible 00:11:54].
Nikki Kinzer:
Because what it is, Pete, it's practice. So, if you think of meditation, we think of meditation as a practice. It's something we're practicing. It's not something that you just, all of a sudden are an expert. "I'm an expert meditator." We don't get that, right? "I'm a professional meditator." Wouldn't that be fun, to get paid to meditate? But the point is that it's a practice, and this self-compassion is a practice. And so, it's something that you want to start identifying and being more aware of when you're beating yourself up. And now, what can I do to do something differently?
We'll go more into this as we talk about the core elements of self-compassion. But I think what you're saying is it does make sense because it is a practice. It's not instinct. And it might never be. And maybe, when you're in the middle of the RSD spiral and you're feeling those intense feelings, you may not get to the point of, "Oh, maybe I should be a little nicer to myself." Until you get to that point yourself on your own. We don't know what that looks like.
Pete Wright:
Well, that's of course a great point. The challenge is, you want to build the muscle so that it expands and contracts before the RSD. So you recognize when you're going into either RSD or self-loathing or whatever, so that you can catch it, you can put the tools in place immediately before. Because once you're in a down cycle, it's very difficult to see that you're in a down cycle. You just feel bad, right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
And so I think that's the real trick. Once you have practiced so diligently to recognize your faults more clearly than your gifts, then you become blind to your gifts in a down cycle.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right, and then depression and anxiety and all of these things that hold us back. It's not a healthy place, right? It's an icky place. It doesn't feel good. So we want-
Pete Wright:
And there are so many words. I'm struggling for words because there are so many words for it. And the words that I live with are ADHD, anxiety, depression. Those are the things, those are the words that describe this, but it could be any one of them at any given time.
Nikki Kinzer:
... Absolutely.
Pete Wright:
Right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely.
Pete Wright:
And if you're not recognizing it, if you can't see it, if you're blind to it, then how do you even know how to talk about it?
Nikki Kinzer:
Right, right. So, in the book, the definition of self-compassion, they say that self-compassion involves treating yourself the way you would treat a friend who is having a hard time. Even if your friend blew it, or is feeling inadequate, or is just facing a tough challenge. Self-compassion is a practice in which we learn to be a good friend to ourselves when we need it most. To become an inner ally rather than an inner enemy. So Pete, do you treat yourself the way you would treat a friend?
Pete Wright:
No. No. No. I'm, pardon my French, I'm a dick.
Nikki Kinzer:
Exactly, right?
Pete Wright:
It's very challenging, I think. That is a really challenging thing. And we've talked about that. I mean, we've talked about that phrase on the show before, right? You've got to treat yourself as you would treat a dear friend. This is the thing, that I know cognitively, of course. I know I need to be kinder to myself. But when I'm alone in this office and I feel I'm missing a deadline or not able to produce creative work to the standard that I've set myself, then it's really, it's incredibly challenging to sit back and say, "Oh, right, I need to be gentle. I need to be gentle with myself. That's going to-
Nikki Kinzer:
And we need to practice this.
Pete Wright:
... move me out of this funk."
Nikki Kinzer:
And we're going to practice this, because I have some scenarios here-
Pete Wright:
Oh, no.
Nikki Kinzer:
... that we're going to practice. But before I get to the scenarios, I want to talk about the three core elements to self-compassion. And again, this is all coming from the book, the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. But they go on to explain that there's these three core elements, and the first one is self-kindness. So rather than being critical when making a mistake, we are supportive and encouraging. Perfect example was the bringing home an F, right? Instead of attacking and berating ourselves, we offer ourselves warmth and unconditional acceptance.
Big one there with ADHD, because a big part of navigating ADHD is accepting that this is what's happening. That it's the ADHD and not you. That you're not a bad person.
Pete Wright:
Right.
Nikki Kinzer:
Common humanity. A sense of human interconnectness is central to self-compassion. All humans are flawed. We all fail. We make mistakes and experience hardship. Self-compassion honors the unavoidable fact that life entails suffering for everyone without exception. And-
Pete Wright:
Okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
... you're not isolated.
Pete Wright:
I have to comment on this one, and I know you have some more in this group. But this is the one that jumps out at me. Because when I am in one of these, and I'll call them, stealing from James Ochoa, dear friend of the show, the storm. It's not just that I'm treating myself poorly, it's that I have a script that I'm constantly fighting to rewrite. Every decade that I have been an adult that says, not only am I a bad person for not being able to deliver, I don't deserve goodness because of it. And I'm saying, goodness is a big italics word that could mean anything.
Of course, I'm not doing well, therefore, I don't deserve success, therefore, I don't deserve... I can't even conceive of a universe in which I would treat anyone else with that kind of language that I carry around in my head. That I'm constantly beating back with a stick. So, there you go.
Nikki Kinzer:
And that's what we have to start really being aware of and challenging because it's not true. It's just simply not true. You may feel that way, and the feelings are strong, and they hurt, and we'll go into mindfulness in just a minute. That's the other core element. But with the common humanity, I think with the ADHD, this is really important in the respect of having community and having a space where other ADHDers can talk to each other and get that they're not isolated. They're not alone.
They're not the only one that may be struggling with getting to work on time or how hard it is to work a calendar or to finish a project or a task. So I think that this is where the common humanity, to me, is about connection and community and knowing that you're not alone, and that no one's perfect. Because this is the other thing that I see with ADHDers, it's very easy to compare yourself to other people, especially other ADHDers. Well, they look like they have it all together. And it's so interesting because I'll talk to clients and they'll say, "Well, it takes me so much longer to do this." And I'm like, "But who are you comparing yourself to?" And then they don't have the answer.
Pete Wright:
Probably the latest YouTube channel on ADHD, right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. They just feel like it's taking them longer. But there's actually no truth in that because they really don't have anybody else to compare to because no one else does their job exactly the way that they do their job. I guess it'd be different if you're in a factory and you guys have to have so many things that have to go out, and you have 10 things that go out, and everybody else has 30, maybe that's more factual. But life typically doesn't work that way. And so it's just something to also think about with how you're comparing yourself with others and what's going on there.
Now, mindfulness I think is really important too, because this involves being aware of moment to moment experiences in a clear and balanced manner. So what that means is it's important to self-compassion because we need to be able to turn toward and acknowledge when we're suffering. To be with our pain long enough to respond with care and kindness. And they go on to say that this is actually the very first step to take, is to be present of your mindset, to respond in a new way. So we need to be present to respond in a different way. And that's that awareness of this is what's happening, this is how I feel.
I feel ashamed. I feel hurt. I am disappointed. I am frustrated. And then now, how do we respond to that in more of a caring way verse such a critical, harsh way? So I don't want to just give you guys these three components and then say, "Okay, there you go. Do something with them."
Pete Wright:
"That's me."
Nikki Kinzer:
I thought it might be helpful to talk about these three elements with specific scenarios that are pretty common. I want to get what Pete would say is kind of the typical ADHD response. And then I want to give you a different point of view that is more self-compassion or compassionate, so you can kind of see the difference. You ready, Pete?
Pete Wright:
I think it's obvious I am not.
Nikki Kinzer:
Okay. That's all right. I'm here with you. I'm here to support you, Pete. See how nice that is?
Pete Wright:
That was so nice.
Nikki Kinzer:
It was so nice. Okay. Case scenario A. You're late to work this morning, and when you get in, there is a message to go see your boss. You meet with your boss, and they tell you that you've been late too many times, and it sets a bad example to others in the office, and you need to be there on time. Kind of a verbal warning, of sorts. All right. So you've got this information now. Pete leaves the office. What does Pete think?
Pete Wright:
Well, Nikki, I think we've known each other long enough for you to know about me, that I'm kind of a nuclear response guy. And so in my head, the very first thing I probably do is start working on my resume-
Nikki Kinzer:
Because you're going to get fired.
Pete Wright:
... and just go ahead and... Yeah. Because what's the point? "Okay. You know what? You have the data. I've been late too many times. I think we're done. I think we're done." I mean, the reality is it's just, nyeh, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. It's over, and I better, and this is it. This is the other thing that I do. "It better damned well be on my terms." Right? "I know he has this, my boss has this on me that I've been late, but okay, I think that I can regain some control, which I am sorely lacking in my life by quitting the job." How'd I do?
Nikki Kinzer:
Good.
Pete Wright:
Was that ADHD enough?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. You went straight to quitting. That's right. That's right. So when I was working on this response, I was really being very mindful about the self-kindness, the common humanity, and the mindfulness, right? Because I really wanted to give the example of how to make this work. And I'm going to share with you the second version of my response, and then I want to share with you what my first version was and tell you why I changed it.
Pete Wright:
Okay, good.
Nikki Kinzer:
Okay. So instead of beating myself up, I am going to give myself grace. The last couple of months have been very stressful. We all make mistakes, and this is something that I know is hard for me. I feel anxious about the warning and just feel really bad about it.
Pete Wright:
Okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
So the self-
Pete Wright:
That's version one.
Nikki Kinzer:
... The self-kindness, right, comes in. Everybody makes mistakes. I know this is hard, giving myself grace, and I feel anxious. Your anxiety is making you go get a new job. Right? I'm just stating the fact that I feel anxious about this warning, because of course, I think anybody would walk away thinking, "Oh my God, my job is on the line." I think what you're saying is very, very normal. The first response I put in is I had all of this, and then I started to talk about going forward in the sense of, I think I wrote something like, now that I have this information, I'm going to think about how I can get to work on time or whatever.
I was trying to put this action step around moving forward. And then I deleted it because I thought, "No, this isn't about-"
Pete Wright:
That's not the point.
Nikki Kinzer:
... That's not the point. So I just want people to see if that's where you go, you might have to re-edit yourself. Because I did. And I did it with both scenarios. I did it with this one and the next one that we're going to talk about, where I almost was like, "Okay, here's how to make this better, or how I'm going to learn from this." But that's not what this is about. This is just about self-compassion and giving yourself grace that yes, you've been late, but things have also been stressful for you, and you recognize that.
Pete Wright:
For sure.
Nikki Kinzer:
Okay. Case scenario B. Oh, this is a good one.
Pete Wright:
Okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
This may or may not have been a personal example. I don't know. My husband is listening maybe. You promised your spouse you would finish painting the bathroom, and it's been six months since you promised, and the two of you got into a fight about it today. Pete, what do you think? What's the ADHD response to that you think?
Pete Wright:
Well, now if I'm going with the example of my first case response, then we should probably just get a divorce-
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
... and burn the house 'cause it's timber.
Nikki Kinzer:
Or sell the house or something, right? It's never going to get that.
Pete Wright:
I'll say what it actually is is I would probably come up with all kinds of defenses for my inadequacy and then stop talking, and I would go into a deep, deep funk and there would still be no action on the bathroom. Or I guess the other side of it, which may or may not have happened in my own life, is I would go and become alpha home guy and do a really crappy job of it. But I would paint it, right? I would just get it done. "See, you wanted it done. Now it's done."
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
It would be either or. But in doing that, I would do it. I would be triggered. I would do it until the job was done. And I wouldn't eat or sleep, and I would probably poison myself with fumes, because I wouldn't take basic precautions. And maybe that is the story of my master bedroom.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right, okay. So again, keeping in mind the three components, self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. I know I keep meaning to get to it. It's important to me to get done. I understand the frustration because I feel it too. I honestly am not doing it to make anyone mad. One of the challenges I have with ADHD is starting and finishing projects. I know I'm not alone in this because I've heard other people talk about it. I'm upset and I'm overwhelmed.
Now, granted, that's a lot of words that may not be going into your head. I probably could edit that again. But I think that the point is that, yes, I'm feeling frustrated too. I get that why that would make someone mad. This is a challenge. It's an ADHD challenge. Let's say what it is, and you are, you're overwhelmed, you're upset, you're overwhelmed.
Pete Wright:
I think the challenge with this scenario for me is it goes back to what we started talking about earlier on, which is figuring out how to catch the storm immediately before it happens.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
In this case, it would be how do we approach this difficult subject before we get into a fight? And some of this deals with being in a clear, communicative partnership and knowing that if you don't live with ADHD, approaching your partner and saying, "Hey, can we talk about the bathroom? 'Cause I'd like to find some solutions to getting done," before the fight starts, right? Because it's the shame that'll trigger the fight. It's that shame triggers, defensiveness triggers, claws out, right? Knives out, beaks, bloody. And so I want to try to create a universe of understanding with my partner that they frankly need to handle, I need to be handled a little bit and the job will get done, but it requires a little bit of care and feeding.
Nikki Kinzer:
That's so true, Pete. And I have to tell you that this scenario happened, but my husband and I did not fight about it. We actually did not fight about it. He came to me feeling bad that it hasn't been done. I've been kind of-
Pete Wright:
And you should also add though, your husband is a former professional painter.
Nikki Kinzer:
... Right.
Pete Wright:
He has the skills, the capabilities.
Nikki Kinzer:
Totally.
Pete Wright:
He absolutely, he's very good-
Nikki Kinzer:
He's very good at painting.
Pete Wright:
... at a thing that I am terrible at.
Nikki Kinzer:
And he likes it. He enjoys doing it.
Pete Wright:
He likes it.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. And he came to me feeling bad that it's been, we have all these different colors.
Pete Wright:
You've painted swatches?
Nikki Kinzer:
We have swatches and we have the ceiling's all painted, but nothing else. But I guess it's like wallpaper now. It just never bothered me. So he was the one that came to me and said, "I'm really sorry that I haven't done this." But I think you're so right on, and this is going to go into this relationship, communication area, right, that it is important when you understand that your spouse has ADHD or has some issues around executive functions, whatever that looks like. I understand why it hasn't gotten finished.
If I really wanted it finished, then this is what you were saying, Pete, then I could help him figure that out. We could focus on it and say, "Let's just focus on the bathroom this weekend. What do we need to do? Let's make a decision on the color. Let's get everything set up." I could help him with that. And if both spouses have ADHD, you guys can both help each other. I mean, ADHD doesn't look exactly the same in each person, it's different and you guys have strengths and weaknesses. And so I think that it is a matter of having compassion for yourself, but also having compassion for your spouse who you know this is a struggle for.
Same thing with our children. I know that my daughter has a really hard time cleaning her room. She doesn't know where to start. I have compassion for that. I want to help her so that she doesn't feel like she's alone. So I think that the self-compassion, if you can have it for yourself, it also flows into other people too, right? It can be a domino effect.
Pete Wright:
Contagious.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's contagious, for sure. This was great. So takeaways from the audience that I want you guys to think about. First of all, get the book. I really think this is a great book. This is not a book for ADHD, but man, it could be written for one. I mean, it could be written for it for sure. But I think anybody, any human, whether you have ADHD or not, we're not perfect. We all have things that we beat ourselves up for. And this self-compassion workbook really helps us, or has helped me see those things. And some of the exercises in the book are really good. Some great reflection questions.
But for people to walk away, yes, get the book. Identify when something, when an RSD storm is happening. You know you're in it when you're in it, but pause and breathe. Because one of the things we also learned from James Ochoa, one of our great friends of the show, is how important it is to recenter your nervous system. So when you are beating yourself up and you're in the shame spiral, we want to breathe. We want to practice those breathing techniques that he shared with us and any that you might be aware of, because it does help stop that pattern.
And then ask yourself, what would I say to a friend if they came to me in this situation? And keep practicing that same compassion towards yourself. There you go.
Pete Wright:
How are we going to shape the rest of the series? What do we have coming up?
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, the next episode that I want to do is on a particular chapter in this book, because it's all around shame. And I do want to talk about that because I do, as we've said already today, shame is such a powerful and not useful feeling to have when you have ADHD. So we're going to highlight that. But we're also going to have Dr. Sharon Celine on the show to talk to us about perfectionism. Also not a great self-compassionate strategy. And then we will also have Casey Dixon talking to us too about her take on self-compassion and burnout and some of the things that she sees with her client.
Pete Wright:
I love these people.
Nikki Kinzer:
I know.
Pete Wright:
These are great people to have on the show.
Nikki Kinzer:
Great.
Pete Wright:
This will be really fun. Well, thank you everybody for slogging through the depths of my lack of self-compassion on this show. This is awesome. Thanks everybody for downloading and listening to the show. We appreciate your time and your attention. Don't forget if you have something to contribute to the conversation, we're heading over to the show talk channel in our discord server, and you can join us right there by becoming a supporting member at the deluxe level, or better. On behalf of Nikki Kinzer, I'm Pete Wright and we'll see you right back here next week on Taking Control, the ADHD podcast.
