Self-Compassion, ADHD, and all the [Difficult] Emotions
We've been talking about ADHD and self-compassion over the last several weeks. But how do these experiences tie into other difficult emotions like anger, fear, worry, anxiety, and grief? Nikki and Pete continue the series on the show this week.
For background, we're working through chapter 16 of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, as well as Neff's TEDxTalk, "The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion.".
The journey through difficult emotions starts and ends with acceptance. But finding that emotional release isn't easy, nor does it happen in a straight line. But by labeling our experience, by finding the areas in our body that are manifesting current struggle, we can find a path toward release.
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Pete Wright:
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Taking Control, the ADHD podcast on TruStory FM. I'm Pete Wright, and I'm here with Nikki Kinzer, drinking her coffee cup.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, no. I have to swallow really fast. Hello.
Pete Wright:
I was kind of hoping I would get you to do a spit take.
Nikki Kinzer:
No, that's not going to happen, unless you said something really, really funny, or you have the Shock-tatoe...
Pete Wright:
I don't.
Nikki Kinzer:
... potato with you.
Pete Wright:
Never fails. Never fails.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right, then that might happen there, but no. Hello, Pete Wright. Welcome, everyone.
Pete Wright:
Hi, Nikki Kinzer. We are continuing our conversation about self-compassion, and ADHD. Today, we're talking about the feelings, the other hard feelings that sometimes get associated, and how we live with that by being self-compassionate with our ADHD. It's hard.
Nikki Kinzer:
No, no. We don't question that.
Pete Wright:
No.
Nikki Kinzer:
We just are.
Pete Wright:
We just are. We are.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
Yes, we is all the feelings. And so I'm excited to talk about that, and as I have been with the last three episodes in the self-compassion series, also, a little bit nervous. That's okay. We're fine. We're totally fine here.
Nikki Kinzer:
We're good.
Pete Wright:
Before we dig in, head over to takecontroladhd.com to get to know us a little bit better. Listen to the show right there on the website, or subscribe to the mailing list, we'll send you an email. New episode every week. Don't even worry, you'll get it. You can connect with us on Facebook, or Instagram, or Pinterest at takecontroladhd. But if you really want to connect with us, jump into our Discord community. It's super easy to jump into the general community chat channel, just visit takecontroladhd.com/discord, and you will be whisked over to that invitation page, and log in. If you are looking for a little bit more, particularly if this show has ever touched you, or helped you understand your relationship with your ADHD in a new way, we invite you to support the show directly through Patreon.
Patreon is listener supported podcasting. With a few dollars a month, you can help guarantee that we continue to grow the show, add new features, and invest more heavily in our commute.
Again, visit patreon.com/theadhdpodcast, to learn more. And I have to say, one of the things you get, one of the benefits you get at joining at the deluxe level, or better, is you get to join the livestream. You can hang out in Discord, and chat along with other people who are watching this show live. And you see Pete and Nikki on video, and that's where the stupid stuff happens, like Pete electrocuting himself. You would miss that, if you're not a part of the livestream.
So at a bare minimum, if you want to join the livestream and chat along with other people who are living with their ADHD, just like you're living with yours, patreon.com/theadhdpodcast. It's the most fun I have all week. Most fun. That's the trick. I love recording the show.
What other announcements do we have?
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, we have tax study halls, so they're offered every Saturday and Sunday. We do a couple of hours on Saturday, couple of hours on Sunday, for Patreons at the deluxe tier and higher, so another benefit for our Patreon members, and we're going to be offering this through tax day, April 18th. I have a story about taxes.
Pete Wright:
It's a tax story?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. So on Sunday, is the day that I host tax study hall, and I went into tax study hall, not really thinking I was going to do my taxes. I thought I would do something else. But then I thought, in my taxes, and my husband taxes, we had to prep the work, and then send it to an accountant, but I knew I could probably do my kids, because they're students, and they work. They don't have all the stuff, all the things that my husband and I have.
And so I started to dig in, and I was very proud of myself, because I was able to do both of them, in the tax study hall in that two hour period of time. So proud of myself telling everybody about it, told the GPS group, and I mean, I was like, pat my head. I [inaudible 00:03:56].
Pete Wright:
I feel a giant but coming.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. And even dinner that night, I was like, "Not only can I do taxes, I can make this wonderful dinner. I'm like, so awesome." Yeah, Monday morning during GPS, I get this little notice that the tax guy, whoever, or gal, rejected my son's taxes.
Pete Wright:
Oh, no.
Nikki Kinzer:
Because his birthday was wrong.
I said that his birthday was August 31st. It's not August 31st.
Pete Wright:
Nice job, mom.
Nikki Kinzer:
No, I know. So, yeah. But it was a very easy fix, and I was able to fix it to the correct birthday, and I'm still proud of myself. But yeah.
Pete Wright:
As you should.
Nikki Kinzer:
I just thought it was funny that I was like tooting my own horn, and then all of a sudden I get this email like, "Oh crap. I guess it wasn't as perfect as I thought it was."
Pete Wright:
Oh, it's fantastic. Fantastic.
Nikki Kinzer:
I have another announcement, speaking of GPS. We want all of our listeners to keep an eye on email and social media, because GPS enrollment is now open, and this is a great opportunity, you do not want to miss. Enrollment only opens three times a year, so the next enrollment won't open until the fall. And don't wait to take control of your planning. You can learn more about the GPS monthly membership program, and sign up on our website, at takecontroladhd.com/gps.
And I have a story about that too.
Pete Wright:
You have a story about that too?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, and then we're going to get into the show.
Pete Wright:
Okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
I was talking to a group member, who's not part of GPS, he's a part of a different group that I hold, and he was asking me if there was something that I knew about, or if there was a service or a recommendation, where he said, "When you hire a trainer and you have to go to the workout session, because you've hired this trainer to be there, and part of it is just giving you the space to do the workout, and having that accountability?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I know a little something about that. That's what GPS is."
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Not exactly, but it does give you the same type of feeling when you hire a trainer, and you feel like, "Okay, they're going to guide me on my workouts, they're going to help me with this. I need to show up, because they're going to show up. I'm doing the work, because they're there with me doing the work." And I just thought that was a really interesting way to explain a little bit about how GPS works. There's a lot more to that, but I just thought that was an interesting conversation.
Pete Wright:
Nikki, we're still working through your very favorite book, the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, we are. And it was interesting, because when we were talking about what to do with the show, we first were looking at self-compassion and anxiety, which both you and I know a lot about. And then I was looking in the book and I'm wondering if they have an actual chapter on anxiety and self-compassion, and the chapter is chapter 16, but it's not just around anxiety, it's also around all of the difficult emotions that we feel. And I thought, that's good, because we really need to touch on all of them, because there's more than just anxiety that happens, right?
Pete Wright:
Sure.
Nikki Kinzer:
So yes, we are going, again, this information is from this book. This is not something that I created, or Pete created. We are just talking about what we're learning in the book ourselves.
And I'm curious to know, Pete, before we get started in the content. I remember my mom and dad, periodically, just telling me, "You know what? Life is not fair." And I heard that a lot growing up, especially if I didn't get what I wanted.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yep. Life is not fair. Did you hear that? Was your experience similar, or was it different?
Pete Wright:
Yeah, I think it was similar. I think there was a lot of, my parents were also, particularly my dad, was also dealing with a lot of his own reckoning with privilege, because he grew up very privileged, and he was the son of a founder of a major oil company in Oklahoma, and as such, he did not have to want for anything.
And so him becoming an adult, becoming a man, and not having, his dad died a horrible death of alcoholism, and he literally drank himself to death, and ended up not handing an awful lot down to his kids. And so my dad as an adult, having to adjust to the role model that he had as a man, as a father, being a very wealthy person, and then his own experience of not having that kind of wealth, he was very much dealing with his own story of fairness, and equity, and what comes from inequality, and I think that I had a lot of that.
I don't think I had really a role model message of fairness, but of just sort of befuddlement. Why do some people get stuff, and why don't others? That so much of it is just timing, and circumstance, and placement, and skin color, and geographic area, and so many things. So yeah, it's complicated. Like so many other things, it's complicated.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. Absolutely. Well, and the book names a few of these difficult feelings, anger, being one of them, fear, worry, anxiety, and grief, and it's interesting. So it talks about, when we turn toward difficult emotions, however, even with mindfulness, and self-compassion, our pain often increases at first, and our natural instinct is to turn away, but if we are to heal, we must face them. The only way out is through. Curious what you think.
Pete Wright:
Well, it's hard for me right now. Even still, it's been a year and a half, or maybe I don't even know, more, since dad passed away. We made it through the first rocky year, but it's still hard to approach any of the difficult emotion conversations, without talking specifically about the manifestation of grief, and what it does to me emotionally, and physiologically. And I think, what getting over the hump of that first year has really meant, is I think I have more of an awareness of these other feelings that have just been sitting on my chest, and a lot of that is just anger. I've just been so quick to anger, and worry, and doubt, and all of those things. The more I explore that experience, I realize are just a manifestation of the uncertainty that comes with the grief of living with this hole in space that was not there for all of my life.
And so that, I think, did not exist earlier. This was how you can't plan for uncertainty, right? You can't plan for this, and just getting to the other side of it, realizing that self-compassion means that I have to understand it takes time, I have to be patience with myself, and that I'm not broken, that I'm okay, that this is a very confusing process, but it is a process, and there is another side. There is an acceptance to the other side of it, but it's not overnight.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
It's not like, "Oh, I realize that's grief. I guess I'm done."
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. And you definitely have a very different take, because of the recent loss. When I was looking at this, it was interesting, because I was thinking, anger and fear, to me, feels like those are things I have to hold in or hide, because I don't love confrontation. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure some people do, but I don't love it, and I don't love admitting that I'm scared of something. And so it always feels like it's something that you have to, for me, it always feels like something I have to hold in.
Anxiety has been so big, it has been such a big part of my life, and I never even knew that I had it. I look back at high school and college, and I can see now, I think we've shared this before, or I've shared this before, where I thought the anxiety just meant that I was an analyzer. I just analyze everything to death.
Pete Wright:
Psychologically.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. But that was anxiety. And I don't know anything different, because even with practicing these things, these methods that can help us with our anxiety, they still show up. It's still there. And then when I think about grief, I just think of sadness, just pure sadness.
And so these are uncomfortable feelings, and I know that logically they say we need to sit with them, and we need to face them to heal, but it's hard when you really want to hide, and not deal with it. You want to just live in denial. It's a little easier to live in denial, but that's not always serving us.
Pete Wright:
Right. And I think that leads us into this next point, which is talking about the five sort of stages of acceptance that are outlined in this book.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
I definitely have thoughts on these. Do you want to run through them? You want to read them?
Nikki Kinzer:
You can. Why don't you run through them? Yeah.
Pete Wright:
The first one is resisting. When you're struggling against what comes at you, and you just want it to go away.
The second one is exploring. When you turn toward discomfort and curiosity, what am I feeling right now?
The third one is tolerating. Safely enduring, you're holding steady. I don't like it, but I can take it. I feel like I can exist in this world without breaking down.
Allowing, letting your feelings come and go. That's number four. It's okay, I can make space for this. I can be a person with this in my life.
And then finally, befriending. Seeing value in difficult emotional experiences. What can I learn from this, for example?
So resisting, exploring, tolerating, allowing, and befriending.
And this is the thing that gets me about this list, is that I absolutely agree with it, but I think it should be served with a warning. And that warning is like Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's stages of grief.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
These items don't come in a straight line, they don't come in any particular order or pacing, and you don't get to experience each one of them just once. It is a massive timey wimey zigzag, around the concepts of resisting. One day you feel like, "Oh, I'm allowing today, I feel really good. This is a day where I can exist in this space." And tomorrow you walk around a corner, and something hits you, and suddenly you're resisting again. And it's just that experience, and it can feel like it's never ending.
It is ending if you actually go through it, but it feels like it's never ending. And that's the thing that I think really hit me about this list, that I totally believe in it, and it's not linear. And that's the thing that I, when you see lists, especially with numbers next to them, it feels like it just should be linear. It should be something I'll go through, and then I'll get to the next phase.
Nikki Kinzer:
Step one, and then step two, yeah.
Pete Wright:
That means step one is finished. Thank goodness, I'm finished.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
Right? That's not how it works.
Nikki Kinzer:
No, I agree with you 100%. And it was interesting, because I had to read them twice, to really understand what they meant.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Because it's a different way of looking at it, because it's not like the stages of grief, right?
Pete Wright:
Right.
Nikki Kinzer:
So you have to really think about what it's saying. And I kind of feel like with my own anxiety, I live at number three.
Pete Wright:
Yes.
Nikki Kinzer:
I just live there.
Pete Wright:
That's like 8:00 AM, Monday morning, time for stage three.
Nikki Kinzer:
I tolerate it. I don't like it, but I can do it. I can get through it.
Pete Wright:
Well, and especially when you, this is what I find when I'm medicating anxiety, which is that becomes an actual state of acceptance, of tolerating. That it's like, okay, I know this is a thing that I have to do in the world. I have to take this pill in order for me to stay at stage three. Right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. Yeah.
Pete Wright:
I have to do this. And you kind of become numb to the fact that there is any other gauge outside of three. You know what I mean?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, totally.
Pete Wright:
I don't know how that you relate to that.
Nikki Kinzer:
No, I totally relate to that, because some of the things that give me the highest anxiety, when I look at the question, what can I learn from this? I just, nothing, absolutely nothing. So yeah, I mean, obviously that's not true.
But I think every emotional experience we can learn from, but it's going to look different. And I think that that's the thing, is that it's so personal. I'm going back to grief, because unfortunately I've had to see my daughter go through this with losing a friend in the summer, and it was so incredibly unfair, and sad, and tragic, and it's really hard to make sense out of it. A 17-year-old should not die.
Pete Wright:
No.
Nikki Kinzer:
You can't justify it.
But it was interesting, because one of the things that they took from it, and I guess this is where you can go from that grief, to what can I learn from this? Or what can I do? And he drowned. And so, one of the things that they did, is they collected life jackets, and they put these stands into the different lakes and rivers around our area, in dedication to him. And that's special. It's being able to allow that, I guess, to have space for it, but then also to do something in his honor. And I don't know if that's something really that you can say I learned from, but it feels good to do.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Interesting. Deep stuff. That's the think, is that these emotions are deep, and I can imagine with someone with ADHD, because I do not have ADHD, how overwhelming it would be to feel all of these feelings, all at once, all the time, going a million miles per hour in your head.
Pete Wright:
Well, and because, less we forget the perils of unregulated hyperfocus.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right/.
Pete Wright:
And I'll say again, it is used by many ADHD pundits as the ADHD superpower, and I firmly believe those are people who have not forgotten to eat for three days before in their lives, because they've been hyper-focused on something.
I just feel like that is, it is that unmetered fire hose, and when you find yourself stuck in a space of resisting, and the symptomatic ADHD rears its head, it's really hard to climb out of that. That's depression. That takes you into a deeper, unhealthy space.
And I think that's the trick for me, that's the trick for me, that feels like what requires the ADHD jolt, that surprise, out of the ADHD spiral, can also maybe sort of electrify into another stage toward accepting a difficult feeling, like grief, or worry, or fear.
And I once interviewed a man named Jerry Campbell on a podcast, and he talked all about the dynamic tension between love, and fear, and the anxiety that comes between those two, and what happens when you feel like your life is being sort of swallowed up in your own emotions, and the reality of needing the rest of the world around you to feel embraced by it in order to feel the warmth to get out of it.
And it sounds a little bit ooey gooey, but I'll tell you, it's really true, because one of the things that we're going to talk about, is this is the role of the amygdala in creating fear that registers danger.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
And we've talked about it before, the amygdala hijack.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
When your amygdala is hijacked by emotion, and you have no words to express what those feelings are, that means you are exploding with one of these difficult feelings, like anger, fear, emotion, grief, whatever. And so strategies for jump-starting your journey on the road out of that, surprising your ADHD in a way that you are able to move through it, I think, is really, really important. Tell me, you have answers to all of these thoughts.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh yeah, of course. Why would I not? It's like how great I am about doing taxes. Right?
Pete Wright:
Yeah, and remembering birthdays.
Nikki Kinzer:
And remembering my son's birthdays, so yeah, great. Yeah, no, the next area that we're going to talk about though, are these three helpful strategies for working with difficult emotions. Again, this is coming from this book.
But the first one, the first strategy, has helped me personally through so many situations. And it's interesting, because we were talking about this in our overwhelm group. I have a group where we talk about overwhelm, and of course, all of these emotions come up. And there's a particular member in the group, has been really working on labeling emotions. And just being able to do that, and then talk to someone about what he's going through, has helped, immensely, for him to be able to feel more in control. And I know, for me, this is true, so this is labeling emotions, identifying it, what is it? What's going on here? How am I feeling? Is it anxiety? Is it fear? Is it anger? It helps us figure out, I guess, it just doesn't stay blinded. It's like, we can actually see what it is.
So for me, if I'm really anxious, I'll let my husband know, "I'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now," and I'll either know what it is, or I won't know what it is, but I need him to know, so that he doesn't say the wrong thing.
So I need to tell him, "I either want to just talk this out, or I need you to help me with a solution, or I need you to not talk to me at all." And that's usually where I go, because I'm an introvert, so I tend to go inside.
But I just think it's important to label, this is what's going on, and then telling the people that are most close around you, what you need in that moment, if you know.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. There's sort of a corollary to that, which is the, and I think it's, I actually think it's the second sort of area that we're going to talk about, which is the somatic experience. And it makes me think about something Sharon said last week, Sharon Saline, that she kept talking about, put your hand on the place where it hurts, right? On it, on your heart.
But Dr. Dodge has sort of expanded that, by saying, when think about, when you're curious about your body, what you're feeling, does your stomach hurt? Put your hand on that. Does your heart hurt? Your head hurt? What hurts? And then the act of putting your hand on it, and speaking through it, using those labels, and using the words to find clarity, and to demonstrate that you care for yourself, by putting your hand on that part of you, can go a long way toward liberating yourself from the ties to those difficult emotions that you can't break.
Nikki Kinzer:
And that's giving you-
Pete Wright:
I find it fascinating.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Because that's giving you the self-compassion, that's you cradling yourself, that's you saying, it's going to be okay, and you're actually touching that.
So this goes into number two, which is the awareness of emotions in the body. So you are identifying that you're feeling this way, whatever that might be, and then figuring out where you're feeling it. So is it in your stomach, your head, are you tense? And what's so interesting to me about this book, is it really hit home, when it said emotions have mental and physical components, thoughts, and bodily sensations. We can be angry, and be thinking about why we are so mad, justifying how we feel, and our faces can get red, our hearts can beat faster, but your thoughts are hard to work with, because they are working so fast. They're going so fast into your mind, and if you can focus on what's happening to your body, it's slow moving. Your body is slow moving, it's not as moving as fast as your brain. And so then giving that area, that mindful awareness, and as you said, being able to carry it, or be gentle with it.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
It slows that process.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. I just want to say, for the record, I'm not good at this myself. I'm not good at it, but I am, and I'll say as a caveat, for those who don't know, I mentioned Dr. Dodge. Dodge, is a lifelong friend of mine, and he and I meet for lunch every single week on Zoom, and so I kind of have a therapist in my back pocket.
And when Dodge leads me through this experience, like the somatic exploration, if I'm really having trouble, and I show up and I say, "Dodge, I need you to talk me through your thing that you do," he can help me unlock some of those feelings, and has been an invaluable assistant in figuring out how to transition into year two of grief, and what that looks like.
I find it really difficult to get out of my own head, and into my body, when I'm alone, but having a partner lead me through that experience, I can do it with ease, now.
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
It can be pretty effective. So I feel like that's the next sort of hurdle, is being able to listen to my body, and get out of my own head, when I'm alone, because as a practice for me, I'm not terribly great at it yet.
And that's okay. Right?
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
I mean, you might not ever be able to do it on your own. You might always want to have that other person kind of leading you, because there is something about that too.
Part of what this reminded me of too, is when we had that talk with James Ochoa, and he was explaining us the breathing technique that he uses, and that is to calm your nervous system. And I go back to that too, thinking that's kind of another strategy to add to all of this, is being able to stop that, and focusing on your breath, and we'll put that in the show notes too, what his meditation, or breathing exercises.
The third is, a little bit of a crossover when we were talking about putting your hand on your heart, is that soft, and soothe, and allow, so it's a set of compassionate responses to difficult emotions that we find in the body.
So we can do this in three different ways. We can find comfort in these three ways. The softening is that physical compassion. It means to soften into the location, into your body. So again, if I notice at night my jaw will be really tense, and I'm not falling asleep, which I don't know why. Why do you not fall asleep with a really tense jaw? I mean, it makes no sense, right?
Pete Wright:
I know, right? Yeah, just because you're living with the anxiety that you can hear your teeth cracking under its grinding effort. That's a horrible thing, and I can't even think through it.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, it's a horrible thing. But noticing that, and then letting your muscles relax, and just sort of softening that, and not necessarily changing the feeling, but just holding it, letting yourself relax.
Pete Wright:
Well, I think that whole exercise, is enormously helpful for me, in terms of, speaking of a practice, this one I can rock, and I think it's also something they teach Marines. I would love to know if this is a thing that is used in the military, but I think it's something, because often the military, when you're in service, you have to find sleep anywhere you can get it, and so figuring out a practice where you can actually get yourself to sleep very quickly is useful, and for me, this has been very helpful.
Not just softening the areas where you're feeling tension, but going through the motions of saying, "Okay, now I'm going to start with my toes. I'm going to flex my toes as hard as I can and then I'm going to release them." So you can feel every muscle, you just work your way up your body, you feel every muscle, because sometimes we don't even know where we're tense, until we try to tense it, and we can't.
Nikki Kinzer:
Because it's already so tense, yes.
Pete Wright:
It's already tense. You have to go through the motions of finding the systems in your body that are tense, and releasing everything around it, so you can even see what that, or feel, what that contrast is, between tension, and relaxation.
So I just want to throw that in. It's a super useful practice for relaxation, and can be super handy.
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely. So the soothing, the emotional compassion, so this is where we're talking about placing your hand over that part of your body that feels uncomfortable, and kind of imagining the warmth, and then kindness, flowing through your hand into your body.
And I've had different meditations that I've practiced in the years, that kind of walk you through this, and it's kind of like what you do with Dr. Dodge. I couldn't do it on my own, but when I'm hearing about somebody saying, "Imagine this bright light, and the warmth of the light coming down on you," there's something about that, that just feels really comforting.
Pete Wright:
Absolutely.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Yeah. So that's something to kind of think about with soothing, soothing the emotional compassion. But this is also where it comes into talking to yourself, like you would a friend. "I'm sorry you're feeling this way." Give yourself some grace. What would you say to somebody else? And saying those things to yourself too.
Pete Wright:
Or as Sharon speaks very specifically to, a third-grader with a skinned knee.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, absolutely. Yeah.
Pete Wright:
I've carried that one from last week. That's important.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, it's so true.
And then the allowing, is the mental compassion. Allowing the discomfort to be there, making room for it, releasing the need for it to go away, and allowing yourself to be just as you are, just like this, if only for this moment. Mindfulness, being present. And I think that kind of goes back to leaning into it. It's like you said, this is not a perfect process, where you just go through it, and like, "Oh no, I can handle all of this stuff with self-compassion."
Pete Wright:
Sure.
Nikki Kinzer:
But I hope that it gives people some thought of what they can do with it, and not have to live in that chaos all the time.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I know we are a work in progress.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, we are.
Pete Wright:
We are a work in progress.
So thank you everybody for hanging out with us for this continuing conversation on self-compassion, and ADHD, and all of the great feelings. Oh, so many great feelings.
Nikki Kinzer:
Because I just have to say something, because sure you just brought up something. There's a lot of great feelings that we get to experience in life too. It's not all bad. So I know we focused on kind of the negative today, but I think that's a good point, Pete, we also have to focus on all of those wonderful, great feelings that we get too.
Pete Wright:
All the great feelings. I like it. We can do that.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
We can do that.
Nikki Kinzer:
We can do that.
Pete Wright:
And thank you for your time and your attention to all the great feelings. Don't forget, if you have something to contribute to this conversation, we're heading over to the show talk channel in our Discord server, and you can join us right over there by becoming a supporting member at the deluxe level or better.
On behalf of Nikki Kinzer, I'm Pete Wright, and we'll see you right back here next week on Taking Control the ADHD podcast.
