A Self-Compassion Reflection with Nikki & Pete
We've had a terrific run looking deeply at self-compassion and ADHD over the last month. This week, we're taking a look back and reflecting on lessons learned, changes made, and opportunities ahead.
Along the way, we welcome Bryan Brunelle to the team as the first of our Mod Squad members. If you're a member of our ADHD Discord Community make sure to reach out to Bryan ... or, just wait... sooner or later he'll reach out to you!
The ADHD Book Club is opening up enrollment for the next term when the group covers our friend James Ochoa's book, Focus Forward. Learn more about the book club and get your name on the list right here!
This week's episode is sponsored by our friends at TextExpander. Make work work the way your brain works. Learn more and save 20% on your first year subscription at takecontroladhd.com/textexpander today!
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Pete Wright:
Hello everybody, and welcome to Take Control ADHD. It's a podcast.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's a podcast that we do about ADHD.
Pete Wright:
It is. I'm going to do that again. You know what? Let's do it again.
Nikki Kinzer:
No, you should keep it.
Pete Wright:
You think? Okay. Well then it is a podcast about ADHD and it's an ADHD podcast on TruStory FM. I'm Pete Wright, and that there is Nikki Kinzer.
Nikki Kinzer:
Hello. I'm in the podcast.
Pete Wright:
We're stumbling toward podcasting today, and this is the end of a glorious series, Nikki.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
Oh, the series is over on self-compassion. We thought today might be a good opportunity. We used to do this. I think we did this for a little while on a lot of our series that we did. We just did these recap, reflection episodes.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
We haven't done that in a while. This one seems like it merits a bit of a look back. It was a long series. We had a lot of guests.
Nikki Kinzer:
An important one.
Pete Wright:
An important one that appeared to resonate with folks. We're doing all that so we can set up for next week. We're talking improv and comedy next week, so stay with us. We'll get through a little more self-compassion, and then we're going to hang it up for a little while. We're going to try and remain self-compassionate, but-
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, right.
Pete Wright:
We're not going to talk about-
Nikki Kinzer:
It's not something we just stop doing.
Pete Wright:
We're just going to stop being self-compassionate when the series ends. All right.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
Before we do that, head over to takecontroladhd.com, get to know us a little bit better. You can listen to the show right there on the website or subscribe to the mailing list, and we will send you an email each time a new episode is released. You can connect with us on Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest at Take Control ADHD. But to really, really connect with us, join us on the ADHD Discord community. It's super easy to jump into the general community chat channel. Just visit takecontroladhd.com/discord, and you'll be whisked over to the general invitation and log in. If you're looking for a little bit more, particularly if this show has ever touched you or helped you understand your relationship with ADHD in a new way, we invite you to support the show directly through Patreon.
Patreon is listener supported podcasting for us. With just a few dollars a month, you can help guarantee that we continue to grow the show, add new features, and invest more heavily in the community. We have lots of things going on. As we record this, in fact, we just wrapped up tax study halls that came out for members of the community. Man, you've been doing so many taxes, Nikki. Holy cow. I see those notifications every day over the last weekend. It's been really, really great to see all those taxes getting done and accountability for all. So lots of awesome things going on. Just head over again to patreon.com/theadhdpodcast to learn more. Thank you for your support. You know what time of year it is? What time of podcast? Do you know what time of podcast it is, Nikki? It's my favorite time of podcast.
Nikki Kinzer:
It is?
Pete Wright:
It is, yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, this is the podcast.
Pete Wright:
But it is my favorite time because I get to talk about my favorite invisible nerd tool. You know what that is?
Nikki Kinzer:
I do.
Pete Wright:
It's TextExpander. It really is TextExpander. I love this thing so much. I still use it. They've been advertising on the show for, geez, I think going on two years, and I still use it every single day. Here's how it works. If there is a piece of text, any piece of text, a word, a sentence, a misspelling, anything that I do more than once, that's a signal that I need to add it to TextExpander. I keep my most used emails and phrases and text messages and URLs and so much more really in my TextExpander library. A snippet can include text and links and images and code and account numbers and phone numbers and addresses, whatever you want.
The trick is for each one of the snippets in my library, I assign a unique abbreviation. Then I expand it. I can deploy the content I needed with just a few keystrokes on any device across any apps I use. Just type the abbreviation for the snippet I'm looking for and boom, text expanded. You can get your whole team or family access to all the content they need to use every day. Just organize it by department or group and make sure all your snippets are used consistently wherever they are needed with a team account on TextExpander. This month's tip though, is all about organizing snippets.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, I love that.
Pete Wright:
What? You like that?
Nikki Kinzer:
That you're organizing snippets.
Pete Wright:
I am. I'm organizing snippets. I knew that would be a trigger word for you. You're over there drinking your coffee, you're all quiet and then I say the word "organizing snippets" and you're all electric all of a sudden. Well, once you get a large snippet library, it can start getting confusing to keep them all organized and categorized. I mean, you can use folders in TextExpander in the library to actually keep them all in one place, but I'm talking about where you need them the most, like in your fingertips. Now, when I started using TextExpander, I chose the semicolon key as the key for in front of all of my snippets. So if I want the date stamp, I hit semicolon DS and that expands to today's date. But once I got over a hundred snippets and now I have hundreds and hundreds of snippets in my TextExpander library, I started getting confused putting semicolon in front of everything. That's when I started using other characters in front of each major group.
So my primary trigger is still a semicolon for my most used snippets. But now I use anything that involves personal communication, email addresses, phone numbers. They all start with an @ sign. Anything related to money and finance, so account numbers, routing numbers, anything in there, those all start with, I bet you can guess what that is, yeah, it's a dollar sign. And anything that involves dates and times starts with that semicolon. Anything that involves math starts with an equal sign, just like Excel formulas. It's that easy. TextExpander is available on Mac, Windows, Chrome, iPhone, and iPad. And for listeners of the ADHD podcast, you can get 20% off your first year of service. All you have to do is visit takecontroladhd.com/textexpander. You will be whisked over to our page on their site where you can get started today. Again, if you get started out, you'll save 20% off your subscription. The way we work is changing rapidly. Make work, work the way your brain works by saying more in less time, and with less effort, using TextExpander. Our great thanks to the TextExpander team for sponsoring the ADHD podcast. We have some news.
Nikki Kinzer:
Why don't you introduce our newest team member?
Pete Wright:
Oh, we have a new team member. As we continue to grow this community, we started thinking about how we needed to grow our team to support it. We reached out to one of the members of our Discord server who has been... I mean, as I'm saying this, it's hard to introduce him without aligning him with the gifts that he uses to support this community. It's Brian.
Nikki Kinzer:
Brian.
Pete Wright:
It's Brian. He has been such a staple, such a staple, Brian [inaudible 00:07:16], in the community for so long, it just made sense to see if he would want to kick off the ranks of community moderator in our Discord server. He is such an amazing cheerleader. He is a welcome committee for new members. He is fantastic and expert in his support that he offers people when they need it. Making his role in the community more official was just made so much easier because he was thrilled to hear it and to be invited to be a part of the team.
So it just feels like such a wonderful match to get Brian in here working with Melissa to help continue to evolve this community and continue to offer all the great resources that the community offers and connect people with what they need. So I'm thrilled that Brian's on board. We're all thrilled that Brian's on board and he is the first official member of the TCA Discord ModSquad. If you need him-
Nikki Kinzer:
I like that.
Pete Wright:
I know. If you need anything, you can ask Brian or Melissa or obviously me and Nikki, as well, over in Discord. You can find him. He is Brian M. [inaudible 00:08:34] on Discord. I used the success baby emoji next to the ModSquad, or maybe he did that himself, but I also posted the story of the success baby thing in the off-topic.
Nikki Kinzer:
I saw that.
Pete Wright:
That was so good. If you're in the off-topic channel-
Nikki Kinzer:
That was a great story.
Pete Wright:
Oh God, it was so heartwarming that that kid has grown up.
Nikki Kinzer:
You'll have to put that in the show notes.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, we should do that. It's such awesome story. And so our awesome, awesome, welcome to Brian. We're thrilled that you said yes. Thrilled. Thrilled that you said yes. Now we got to talk about the book club.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. The ADHD Book Club is coming back. Next Wednesday, May 3rd, enrollment opens for our next installment. We'll be diving into one of my favorite books Focused Forward by James Ochoa. It is such a great book, and I can't wait to explore the topics inside within a group setting. First time I've ever done this, so I'm very much looking forward to it. If you're interested in joining the ADHD Book Club, be sure to get your name on the wait list, and you'll be the first to know as soon as enrollment opens. You can find the wait list right now or if we're open for enrollment, go over and enroll at takecontroladhd.com/bookclub, to learn more.
Pete Wright:
Outstanding. All right. I think it's time we dig into it.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
We put off long enough, Nikki. Let's reflect.
Nikki Kinzer:
The way I did this to get prepared is I actually went chronological. So I looked at our episodes and thought, "Okay, what did I take from this? What did I take from this one?" So that's sort of how it's set up. I'll go ahead and start, because the book that started this whole thing was the Self-Compassion Workbook, and that is by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. Kristin Neff has some great TED Talks and other resources on the website too, so definitely check it out. But the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive. Loved this book. It was recommended to me by a client of mine. It is also a book that I would like to add to the ADHD Book club at some point, because there are a lot of-
Pete Wright:
It seems only appropriate that book be on the list, yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. This is definitely on the list. It's got a lot of different exercises and things that we could do together as a group. So I think that in this first episode, it was really just, I think, the awareness of the components, the elements of self-compassion that really struck with me because I never really looked at it more than just being self-kind. But then they put into this whole, it's not just about kindness, it's also about having this common humanity and being mindful of how you're feeling and not dismissing that feeling. That was new to me.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Well, and that was also when we started talking about the language we use about ourselves and I feel like that's where we started the conversation. It was, for me personally, a long downhill, brakeless bike ride downhill of realization that I talk to myself poorly, that I don't use the kind of language to myself that I use to my friends in need. That just was continually reinforced with every single conversation we had over the five or six episodes that we did on self-compassion. So that's where I sort of anchored on that episode because we also wrapped it in a conversation on kindness and humanity and mindfulness and those sort of core elements. But really for me, it was about, "Oh my God, Pete, you talk a good game..."
Nikki Kinzer:
What are you doing?
Pete Wright:
Yeah. "But you don't really walk the talk in a lot of areas that feel completely outside of your control."
Nikki Kinzer:
It's interesting because I could tell. I could physically see you changing. Your expressions started to change. You could tell you were getting-
Pete Wright:
Well, it was a bummer.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, you could tell. For people that watch the live stream it, I could physically see something changing in you when we started talking about this and how uncomfortable you were around it. I appreciate your honesty and I appreciate, and I'm sure our listeners do too, that you're open to talk about why that's uncomfortable because it is for so many of us, for sure.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, I hope so. And I will say, just talking about it, just having that on the brain, I leave here and I would go talk about it with my wife and we'd talk about those experiences together. It's been a six week ongoing discussion about when good things, bad things happen, how do we reflect those things in the language that we use about our relationship to it? And so talking about it does work.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
I think I feel better, or at least a little bit more practiced, in using better language toward myself than I did this first episode.
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely. I love that. I'm glad. The self-compassion and shame episode, I think for me, it was a good reminder that let's not sit in shame, in silence. I always go back to what you say, that it doesn't survive in the light.
Pete Wright:
Shame hates the sun.
Nikki Kinzer:
I know. You always have to tell me that every single time. I may not remember the exact words that you use.
Pete Wright:
But you get the feeling.
Nikki Kinzer:
But I get the feeling and I understand what's going on there. We talk about, as a coach, especially, there's a lot of conversation around self-compassion and shame in my everyday sessions when I'm talking to people. What's so interesting to me and such a privilege to witness is when someone is verbally processing what's going on, and you can hear them starting to beat themselves up. But then when they're questioned, how do you know that that's what that person is thinking? How do you know? You start to question it. They come to the conclusion themselves as they're talking through it that, "Wait a minute, maybe this isn't a true story. Maybe I am going to the worst case scenario, not exploring what if something else happened." Right?
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
So I think that that was just a really interesting topic to talk about because I see it so much in my everyday coaching.
Pete Wright:
I think that one was interesting too, because we brought shame around to the somatic experience of self-compassion. Where do we feel it when we're feeling negative in our bodies? That's been something I've been trying to be more reflective of is when I'm feeling that sense of self-doubt or self-loathing, do I feel it in my body somewhere? Do I have a stomach ache or do my joints hurt or do I have a sore throat? Does that get tight? Those are the things that sort of manifest for me. Being able to connect those things as triggers that maybe my lived experience, my physical in-body experience, can be a trigger to an emotional thing that I haven't been able to see clearly. Right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright:
It sometimes when you eat, if you are lactose intolerant, I don't know if who's lactose intolerant, but my understanding is if you're lactose intolerant and you eat lactose, there will be some gap time before you get sick and you start feeling crummy. For some people, that's pretty short and some people that's kind of long, but eventually your stomach's going to hurt or something. I don't have that experience, I don't think. Maybe I do and I'm not aware of it. But that physical experience tied to an emotional experience as a trigger is important to me. I'm trying to be really thoughtful about that.
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely. Those are those warning signs that we need to pay attention to. Absolutely. Our interview with Dr. Sharon Saline. Ugh, I love this woman. I love her. She's absolutely a gem. Always so happy to hear what she has to say. Her definition of perfectionism, talking about perfectionism was so interesting to me. The way that she talked about how there's two kinds, the adaptive perfectionism, which is motivator, it can be a motivator, productivity, persistence. And then there's this other thing that we see more often, and that's the toxic perfectionism with the negative self-esteem, rigidity and defensiveness. I think just really seeing that there's these two different kinds and that perfectionism, we carry it around like it's a badge of honor and it isn't. It's a sabotager.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
And I think even the adaptive perfectionism, I question a little bit. I think it's hard to see where is it adaptive and where is it toxic? It feels like it's just all still one thing that gets in the way. So I have more learning I think I need to do on that because it's hard for me to see that point. We always learn. We are always learning and it's something to look at and say, "Okay, what is good enough? What does that mean?"
Pete Wright:
Well, there were two pieces that I think were partner pieces in that conversation that really stuck out to me. The first one is, what is your experience with compare and despair? You look at somebody else who's in your field or doing what you do and looking at the public appearance of their experience of those things. How do you avoid comparing yourself to them if your success is not exactly the same as their success?
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
That's a form of self-compassion, a lack of self-compassion that I think really struck me as something that I say. I've worked that into my vernacular. When I'm doing that, I can call it out, use words and say, "Oh, compare and despair. I need to work on that." But the other side of that is the just one thing. How do you use just one thing to turn what seems impossible into a daily practice related to self-compassion? We talk about breaking down hard projects into their smallest atomic elements in order to get them done. But she's using it in a little bit of a different context. What is the one thing that you can do that you can finish to a potentially not perfect standard, but you can still call finished, and use that, as my metaphor, the match in the darkness, to light up opportunity for you to continue to move forward without being so hard on yourself? I really like that.
Nikki Kinzer:
It could just be my memory, because it sucks right now. Can we say that? Can we say that word?
Pete Wright:
What? Sucks?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Without being rated.
Pete Wright:
Oh, yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Okay.
Pete Wright:
You're fine.
Nikki Kinzer:
Because you bringing that up, I forgot about that piece of the conversation, which makes me think, this is why we need to listen to podcasts more than once. I recorded the podcast and I didn't remember that piece. Now that's my own issue. But still, I'm just glad you brought that up because I forgot about that. Just that one thing is a really important concept. And when you're talking about compare and despair, I did use her story about her skiing with a couple of different people after we did the podcast. I shared it with, I think it was Coaching With Nikki that we do monthly and I think I shared it with the GPS group too, and how not to look side to side, because that's not getting you anywhere. You keep looking forward because that's where you're going. And then when you stop and look back, you can see how far you've come. That is so good.
Pete Wright:
For sure.
Nikki Kinzer:
And I think such an important message because I think so many people look at their past as such a negative thing, but now you can look at it as, no, look at how far I've come and that's just beautiful. Love her.
Pete Wright:
Right. Where'd we go from there? Did we go straight to Casey?
Nikki Kinzer:
No. We went to self-compassion with all of the feelings.
Pete Wright:
All the feelings.
Nikki Kinzer:
It started out to be sort of an anxiety... We wanted to talk about anxiety because both of us have it.
Pete Wright:
We're too good at that.
Nikki Kinzer:
We're so good at that we decided to do all the feelings. And my biggest takeaway for this, because we were recording the show at the same time that I was leading a group on Overwhelm with ADHD, and this had come up in our group. The biggest takeaway for me was labeling what it is that you're feeling. I think it is so important to identify, how am I feeling about this? Why am I feeling this way? Talking about it with someone else to process the information and be able to sit with it. I got to share a personal story where this happened. So my daughter went to prom last week, but didn't really go to prom. She did all of the stuff beforehand. So her date came over, gave her flowers. They had a corsage, he had a boutonniere. They got all dressed up. They took pictures in the park. They're gorgeous. They had dinner, but they didn't actually go to the prom.
Pete Wright:
Where did they go?
Nikki Kinzer:
They didn't do anything. They went out for dinner.
Pete Wright:
That was it?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. It was just like a date.
Pete Wright:
It was like a date.
Nikki Kinzer:
But both decided not to go to prom, for whatever reason. I don't know, I can't figure out a 17 year old.
Pete Wright:
Put that prom money toward a better dinner, at least.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh yeah.
Pete Wright:
Proms are expensive now.
Nikki Kinzer:
I know, they are. Well, in that evening, of course, everybody is posting their prom pictures of their daughters because we have the daughters and the sons that are going to prom. So I'm seeing all of these pictures and there was a group of girls that Paige was, and still is, friends with from our high school. They were all together and they all went together and it bothered me.
Pete Wright:
What did?
Nikki Kinzer:
Seeing the picture.
Pete Wright:
Why?
Nikki Kinzer:
That's what I had to label.
Pete Wright:
That's what I'm curious about.
Nikki Kinzer:
I had to sit with it. This is exactly where... This is a very good example of where I had to label this feeling of what is it that I'm bothered by? I figured it out after thinking about it. I think what bothered me is I felt like she was missing out on something with not being with her friends because she doesn't go to high school with them anymore. She does online school, so she doesn't have the same relationship as she used to. So there was a piece of me that felt like, "Oh, she should have been in that picture." And then there was another picture of all of the moms standing next to the girls. I know these girls. I've known them since they were in elementary school, and I know all of their moms really well. There was a piece of me that's like, "I should have been in that picture with my daughter."
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Did your daughter have any of those same feelings?
Nikki Kinzer:
No, because this is the thing. This is why-
Pete Wright:
That was her choice. It was a conscious choice.
Nikki Kinzer:
It was her choice and she could have gone, because any one of those girls would've invited her and added them as her guest. They weren't going with dates. It was just going with girls, so she could have gone if she wanted to. They would've welcomed her. She even said to me, "It's not like I'm being left out. I wasn't being left out." But that doesn't matter what she thinks.
Pete Wright:
It doesn't matter. Right. Lizard brain is taking over.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's what I'm feeling.
Pete Wright:
Right. Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
I was feeling sad. I was feeling like not... I had anxiety around, oh my gosh, does she have any friends? I had all of these things. This is what anxiety does. It makes you think about something's been triggered and I'm feeling really bad about it and I have a lot of worry around it. I seriously had to think about it, label it, and then figure it out and say it out loud. "This is what it is. It's not her problem. It's mine."
Pete Wright:
Did you say it to her? Did you say it to her?
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, she'll probably hear it on the podcast. I did ask her how she felt. I'm like, "Are you okay? How do you feel when you see this picture?" She just said what I already told you. She could have gone. She wants to go next year. She really didn't want to go to prom. Even the person that asked her to do the dinner, he first asked her if she wanted to do the pitchers and everything, and that if she wanted to go to prom, he would get tickets, but he really didn't. And she was like, "I don't care if we go or not." He's an introvert, so he didn't really want to go because he was an introvert and he doesn't like the whole social scene.
Pete Wright:
But he's able to have a nice date out of it.
Nikki Kinzer:
He wanted... Yeah. And they're really good friends. They don't like each other. It wasn't romantic. We were also thinking that that's probably why he asked her in the first place was because there wasn't any pressure, because they're really just friends. But anyway, that was a total side story, but I just think it's important. You got to figure out what your feelings are and I decided not to look at social media for the rest of the weekend because it bothered me.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. As a note, just as just aside and I'm not advocating this for anybody else, but I can tell you my experience with the world has been vastly better since I straight up deleted my Instagram account. I not even represented on the platform.
Nikki Kinzer:
There is something to that, Pete. I totally agree.
Pete Wright:
I think for me, the big takeaway is just continuing to talk about how all these emotions come in a zigzag, not a straight line, and they loop to loop and they come back and bite you when you think you're finished with them. Continuing to be aware of that and remind yourself that difficult emotions, in particular, are anything but linear is wow, just something I have to continue to say because I'm surprised every time.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, I know.
Pete Wright:
Yep.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's a good reminder. Our interview with Casey Dixon, again, another guest that I absolutely adore. I always get to see her once a year at the ADHD conferences and it's always such a joy. She had some great perspective around coaching, around high achievers and how self-compassion, the lack of it, can get into burnout and all of the different things that she was saying. But I've got to tell you, every time she comes on, at least the last two times that she's come on, we talk about this permission to disappoint others. It just hits me so hard. I talk about it in my personal life with my friends and my family. I also talk about it in my professional life with my clients. It's okay to disappoint someone. I love that she says, "Who can I disappoint today and still feel good about myself?" What a great question. And then I also like her, "Take 20% off of your to-do list and see what happens."
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's great.
Pete Wright:
And that was when we started talking about our new favorite organizing tool, our task tool, TickTick, and how it has a won't do list. I've started dragging things to the won't do list and I love it so much because you can't even check off the box. It turns into a square through the box. There's nothing you could do. It's grayed out. You can see, "Oh, today I won't do this thing." You can't interact with it. It's my favorite thing in the world. So I did not know how delighted I would be with that feature, but it turns out I'm pretty delighted.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, for sure.
Pete Wright:
And then we wrapped up with a good pivot.
Nikki Kinzer:
Stop, drop and roll, baby.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, that's right. You got to roll with the punches.
Nikki Kinzer:
Stop, drop and roll. Pivot.
Pete Wright:
Pivot.
Nikki Kinzer:
Pivot.
Pete Wright:
And I think we learned in the chat that a lot of people have real problems with Gellers.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
Monica and Ross.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
That was a thing I did not expect out of that conversation is just how many people have issues with Monica, in particular, and Ross.
Nikki Kinzer:
Which is so funny and I love, and it's so ADHD-like, to go and look at the chat after the recording and the whole thing is about the cast of Friends.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, I know.
Nikki Kinzer:
You got to love it.
Pete Wright:
I know. My favorite. My favorite.
Nikki Kinzer:
But yeah, that was definitely a fun show and definitely need to listen to it. So we have some listener feedback.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, we had some people who said some things about the show. Do you want to take turns? You want to swap these?
Nikki Kinzer:
Sure. Well, one of the things that is on here, this was a member of GPS. They recommended a book from Brene Brown, which we love Brene Brown, and it is called Atlas of the Heart. I've been reading it. I just started it. One of the things that I've already learned, which really wraps into what you were saying about feelings not being linear, is disappointment is connected to fear, expectations. I mean, she really digs into this is what you're feeling and this is all of the other feelings that are attached to that feeling. So it just helps you really understand what's going on. I haven't gotten very far in the book, but I definitely love it and recommend that people look at it. And then that was from a GPS member.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Awesome.
Nikki Kinzer:
All right. What else do we got?
Pete Wright:
Well, we had this listener who said, "I love this series. I will say it here as I say it everywhere. This is the best ADHD podcast out there for me. If I could afford GPS and all of it, I would do it all. I've listened to ADHD podcast for years and keep coming back here. I even had a coaching call from Nikki two years ago, and when I decided to join through Patreon, it did not disappoint. It as 100% the bargain of the century." You're lovely. Thank you so much. That's very nice guy-
Nikki Kinzer:
That's nice.
Pete Wright:
Coming out of that series. Okay, this is a longer one. You want to do this one or you want me to do?
Nikki Kinzer:
No, I want you to do it.
Pete Wright:
Oh, okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
You got the vocals.
Pete Wright:
All right, here we go. "Taking Control, the ADHD podcast, is so far and away my favorite podcast that choosing between episodes is generally an impossible task. That said, the Self-Compassion Series exceeded even the lofty expectations that Nikki and Pete have established with their amazing work on the show. As a podcast listener, it was certainly difficult at times as they shined the spotlight directly on uncomfortable emotions, problematic behaviors and thought patterns and ongoing struggles that I'm constantly fighting against in my daily life. As someone who is actively trying to better understand and manage my ADHD, though, that difficulty was absolutely worth it because every tug at my emotions was also crystal clear proof that the problem is not me or unique to me, and reassurance that there's a whole bunch more folks struggling the same way on the same stuff and that to some extent, at least, we're all in this together.
At a minimum, there are wonderful people out there who can empathize with me, and as a Discord community member, I know that many of them are willing to share their vulnerability to help me with my own. Special over the top praise for Pete throughout this series. Nikki did a great job coaching some of the sharing out of him, but one ADHDer to another, hearing Pete share thoughts and struggles that could have been pulled directly from my own brain was deeply touching and helped me to humanize myself and the struggles on these topics to a degree that I wasn't previously capable of." Amen and thank you. Thank you for that insightful comment, and I appreciate the compliment. I'm right there with you.
Nikki Kinzer:
He heard what I saw.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, I think so. I think so.
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely. That's great.
Pete Wright:
Another listener, "I struggled with what to say about the Self-Compassion Series." Tell me about it. "I was going through some stuff personally that made me feel convicted." I'm going to say conflicted. "I spent time crying, but it helped me heal. It helped me make the avoided phone call. I'm holding on to talking to myself like a three year old with a skin knee." Oh, hallelujah. Yes.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, that's so great. That came from Sharon Saline, right?
Pete Wright:
Yep, that was Sharon. And what a great... I can't believe neither one of us brought that up. That was such a great way to talk to yourself, specifically when we're already talking about how hard we are on ourselves.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
I love that visual of that three-year-old with a skin knee. That's wonderful. "The Self-Compassion Series is another home run from Nikki and Pete and their guests. I heard so many things that resonated that I gave up trying to write them all down and practice letting go of my own need for perfection by simply listening and absorbing, without judging myself for not being able to capture everything in a neat, tidy, little note-taking system." Very meta. "So thanks to you two and this community for continuing to remind me that we are much more than our own limiting beliefs. They still pop up and are a constant companion, but I'm learning to recognize them as my annoying friends instead of trying to get rid of them all together and that change in perspective has been huge." That's so wonderful. Right?
Nikki Kinzer:
That's awesome. That's great.
Pete Wright:
That's really, really wonderful.
Nikki Kinzer:
Thank you, everyone for your feedback.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, so relieved that this hit home for people listening as much as it did for me in experiencing it. I think that's my big takeaway, so thank you, everybody.
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely. Thank you everyone.
Pete Wright:
I think we're good, right?
Nikki Kinzer:
I think we're good. We're closing up shop on self-compassion for now.
Pete Wright:
That's right, for now.
Nikki Kinzer:
I'm sure it will come back.
Pete Wright:
Oh yes, we'll be back.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
Oh, yes, we will.
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, in every show we hope that there's some self-compassion intertwined in it.
Pete Wright:
And we sure appreciate all of you for downloading and listening to this show and for submitting your feedback. That's really, really great. Thank you for your time and attention. Don't forget, if you have something to contribute about the conversation, we're heading over to the Show Talk channel and our Discord server and you can join us right there by becoming a supporting member at the deluxe level or better. On behalf of Nikki Kinzer, I'm Pete Wright, and we'll see you right back here next week on Taking Control the ADHD podcast.
