The ADHD Tax
The ADHD Tax is real—and it's costly. A recent poll found over half of people with ADHD lose over $1000 a year to fees, fines, and forgetfulness. We call them ADHD Taxes: late bill payments, expired food, unpaid subscriptions. Benjamin Franklin said nothing is certain except death and taxes, but ADHD Taxes are optional. With planning and habits, we can eliminate these penalties that drain our time, money, and self-esteem. ADHD may be lifelong, but the taxes don't have to be. Learn to stop the cycle and keep that currency—money and time—in your pocket. The cost of a ADHD Tax? Your peace of mind. The gain from ending it? Priceless!
Links & Notes
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Pete Wright:
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast on TruStoryFM. I'm Pete Wright, and I'm here with Nikki Kinzer.
Nikki Kinzer:
Hello, everyone. Hello, Pete Wright.
Pete Wright:
Nikki, I've let my hair go completely. It's going down my back. Everybody in my family is daring me to do a man bun, and I hate it. I'm just not a long hair guy.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh.
Pete Wright:
Oh, it's gone crazy. It's got so crazy.
Nikki Kinzer:
Why don't you get it cut, then?
Pete Wright:
I don't know. I can't ... I want to, but everything's closed. I drove ...
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, that's true. We're in an ice storm right now.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. That's a real problem. That has nothing to do with what we're talking about today, but I think it kind of does because I think my hair is a representation of the ADHD tax.
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, let's see how that fits in.
Pete Wright:
Let's see how it holds up. Let's see. That's what we're talking about today, the ADHD tax. You may not know what it is right off the dome, but you've probably paid it, and we're going to talk about what it is and why and all of that good stuff, coming up in just a bit.
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All right, Nikki. It's tax time.
Nikki Kinzer:
Every day.
Pete Wright:
Every day is tax time. We're talking about the A DHD tax. Kick us off. What is the ADHD tax, and how do you see it reflected in your coaching?
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, it is what you would say an unofficial term within the ADHD community.
Pete Wright:
But when we're done with it.
Nikki Kinzer:
That's right. It's used to describe some sort of penalty or payment required due to the side effects of ADHD symptoms, and I see it a lot. It comes up more frequently than what anyone would really like and it's very painful. And it certainly doesn't have to be just financially financial, money, monetary, whatever I'm trying to say here. It can be time that you've lost. It can be the physical and mental and emotional effort that you have put forth something. It can be about your reputation. It's not always just money, but it is painful, for sure. It's hard when it happens.
Pete Wright:
For me, I think the easiest one and the one that I hear about the most is the financial one, which is the, oh, my gosh, I wasn't paying attention and that subscription that I subscribed to for the seven-day trial lapsed because I used it for about 30 seconds and then forgot that I had it. So now, you're paying for a subscription you didn't want. And if you don't forget to turn that one off, then eventually you're going to pay it in another month or a year, whatever. That one happens all the time, especially in this transition to more of a subscription-based economy that we're in the middle of.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, for sure.
Pete Wright:
I think, late fees, that's an ADHD tax. The late fee is just written as a line item on a late ADHD tax. You forgot to pay your water bill? There's a percentage fee when you finally come around to pay it. Absolutely, that percentage should say "ADHD" all over it.
I deal with impulse purchases, especially of technology, a lot, personally. That's one that I put on my list of where the ADHD tax bites me that I have to intentionally, we'll talk about this a little bit more, introduce friction in my life in order to slow down, or I will get bit by impulse purchases every single day.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, for sure.
Pete Wright:
Where else do you see it? The most common situations that aren't monetary, for example?
Nikki Kinzer:
I can tell you a few specific ones that have actually a lot to do with the monetary, but also the emotional aspect. I talked to somebody at the conference this last year who had realized at the very last minute that she didn't press send when she thought she purchased her airplane tickets to go to the conference.
Pete Wright:
Right.
Nikki Kinzer:
She goes to get ready to go and fly out thinking she has a flight, and she's not even booked on the flight because she actually did not book the tickets. Well, that's frustrating, right? Because now, you have to go because she's presenting, so she has to figure out a way to get to Baltimore. And does, and does figure it out and she's there and she's happy as can be and is very positive about the whole thing and just kind of laughs it off.
Pete Wright:
But also, she was filthy because that way was a horse. She rode a horse to Baltimore.
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, right, and you know ...
Pete Wright:
I'm actually kidding. I don't know how she got to Baltimore.
Nikki Kinzer:
I know. She didn't. She drove.
Pete Wright:
Okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
But it's the emotional tax. And it is a financial tax as well because I don't know if it was cheaper to drive than it would've been to fly, and obviously, for her to get a flight would've been much more expensive and it wasn't worth paying that to get there by airplane. There's a lot of decision making and things that have to be done. That was something that happened.
I know of a couple of passport issues I've seen with clients. Passports are tricky. I've had one client who did not get her passport, so she had to drive from Washington to California to get an emergency one or something like that. I can't remember exactly what all the details were, but there was obviously a lot of money because she had to figure out how to get to where she could get the passport, and then, drive and all of those expenses, and then, be able to use it. There's also been situations where people with passports forget that they ... They don't check to see that they're expired, so they get to ... They're starting to pack and get ready for their trip and they can't go. Heartbreaking.
Those are the three that kind of pop in my mind. Of course, I think the late fees and all of those things are pretty common, honestly. That's a pretty common tax, and it's one that you can almost brush off a little bit because it's not as expensive. A lot of people that buy things, and I'm so guilty of this, I buy things, don't wear it, don't use it, and then I end up giving it away, the impulse buying. We don't return what we don't use. That's a huge issue. We're losing that money. It happens in all different ways.
Pete Wright:
Well, we did a poll last year in Discord and asked that question, "How much does the ADHD tax cost you per year?" And almost 60% of the respondents came back and said it's over $1,000 dollars in a given year, paying for incidents that incur the ADHD tax.
I wrote down five broad categories of where I feel like the ADHD tax impacts me and those that I know. And we've talked about the financial costs, right? Late fees, replacement costs, you lose stuff, you got to buy it. Again, those impulse purchases, we talked about. Insurance premiums. When you're distracted and driving and you have fender benders one after the other, eventually, your premiums go up. That's kind of an ADHD tax.
I wrote down ADHD coaching, right? ADHD coaching is awesome, but also, it's kind of a tax on the fact that you're trying to live better with ADHD. That's a cost that should be attributed somewhere. And I think it's interesting to think about it like that, although I struggle with it at the same level that I think, well, also, I have an optometrist because I have eyes, so do I have an eye tax?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, I don't know if I look at coaching as a tax. I don't look at it that way, I guess, because it's something that it's you taking a proactive approach on trying to prevent the tax.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, exactly.
Nikki Kinzer:
Is it expensive? Is it an investment in yourself? Yes, it is.
Pete Wright:
It is an investment, but it saves you in all the other ways, and that's the important part.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. Yeah.
Pete Wright:
That was one. And the replacement costs are not just about gadgets doohickeys, clothes, whatever. It's like food. You buy something you think you love, and then, it rots and you throw it away.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, I didn't even think about that. Oh, my gosh.
Pete Wright:
Those, they're insidious.
Nikki Kinzer:
We waste so much food. Yeah, it's sickening.
Pete Wright:
Now, the next category is time. The costs of time lost because you don't have a great handle on estimating time can lead to missing appointments, being laid on tasks and responsibilities. Procrastination, it's kind of a subtax of the ADHD tax, procrastination tax. The redoing tax, right? You did something but you did it sloppily because you were either rushing or it took too long to do it and you weren't paying attention and did it poorly.
Nikki Kinzer:
Or you can't find it because you don't know where it saved, so you have to rewrite it or you have to redo whatever, yeah.
Pete Wright:
Yes, exactly. Those all fit in the time category for me. I put down a category of emotional costs because this leads to stuff like relationship strain, that symptoms of ADHD can cause strain on personal and family relationships, and those can lead to monetary costs like maybe therapy.
Nikki Kinzer:
Or divorce.
Pete Wright:
Or divorce.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right.
Pete Wright:
Stress and anxiety. It just increases the other sort of comorbid emotional conditions.
Nikki Kinzer:
This is horrible. It all sounds horrible.
Pete Wright:
Oh, yeah, I know. No, I can't wait to be done with my part so that you can just tell me how not to feel this way anymore. Are you ready? I hope you've got something in the chamber here.
Nikki Kinzer:
I don't know. It's awful.
Pete Wright:
I'm halfway through my litany here.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, my gosh. All right. Keep going. Keep going.
Pete Wright:
Self-esteem issues, chronic feelings of failure or underachievement, that's a cost, for sure. Opportunity costs, right? Let's say career impact. ADHD, we know and have talked about how it has an effect on job performance, productivity. All of those things can lead to potentially missed promotions or job loss or being dismissed from school or something like that, because you're not keeping up. Students with ADHD may need extra tutoring, they may need to take longer on tests or longer on all assignments, which impacts the other things that they could be doing if they weren't taking extra time to study. Those opportunity costs, they add up as well.
And then, finally, medical costs, just ongoing costs for medication for ADHD can be significant over the course of a month, year, lifetime. And that is a direct monetary cost, ADHD, just the rollercoaster of medication. And of course, add to that therapy and diagnosing and assessment and the whole process.
Now, I'm going to tell you that I'm finished with what I jotted down in my dumb list of things that feel like they impact me in terms of the ADHD.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Thank you for that. That's great.
Pete Wright:
I can't wait now, because I know that you've just been ready to check them off and tell me-
Nikki Kinzer:
God, no.
Pete Wright:
... how do we end this cycle?
Nikki Kinzer:
Gosh, if I knew, I would be a rich woman. I think we have an opportunity cost here that I am not achieving.
Pete Wright:
Right.
Nikki Kinzer:
Dang. Yeah, that's a lot when you put it into-
Pete Wright:
Yeah. I've never written it down like that.
Nikki Kinzer:
... a bullet list like that, it's a lot. And so much of it I relate to, and I don't have ADHD, so I think that part of it is just this human condition that we all have. We have a lot going on and things get missed. And I think there has to be some kindness, a little bit, and some grace for that, right? I don't think there is any, do this one, two, and three strategy and you're never going to have a late payment again or you're never going to not return something and whatever, all of those things that you said.
I don't know if there's an answer to it. I think that there are things that we can do to prevent some of it, and some of those things are the systems that we put in place and all the strategies and things that we talk about, but I have to just first say, about the emotional piece, sometimes, you just have to sit with it and there isn't anything that's going to really make you feel better about it because it just sucks that this happened and you lost a lot of money and whatever. I just don't want to dismiss that. I think that, sometimes, you just have to, "Yeah, this really is hard and this was a mistake and I regret it."
What do you learn from it?, I guess, is really where we go from that. Going back to these mindsets that we've been talking about, what do we do with this situation that is making us feel horrible? And I have to say, when you look at it all in one bullet list, it's so much. But remember, folks, everyone that's listening to this, this doesn't all happen at one time. This is stuff that just happens here and there. Keep that in mind. Go ahead.
Pete Wright:
That's what gets me, because we look at this all in one thing, it feels like Mount Everest. We're never going to be able to chip away at it. But the fact is, in 15 minutes, you can open the app store on your phone or computer and look at all the subscriptions you have and cancel the ones you're just not using. It can take five minutes, in fact. It just doesn't take that long. I look at this at everything that's going on with the ADHD tax. I think, gosh, you know what? Every one of these, we have a pretty simple solution in the form of some new routine or habit and some new indicator or reminder that we can start digging out of it, one element at a time or one bullet at a time.
Nikki Kinzer:
And that's exactly it. That's right. I love that you say that, and I think that the subscriptions is a perfect thing. If you're listening to this, this may be a reminder for you to go in and look at your bank account and where's your money going on a monthly basis, and is that $9.99 that is being charged every month for whatever service, do you use it? Do you care about it? Do you want to keep it?
We've had that discussion in our own house about entertainment. Do we need Hulu? What do we need and what do we want? What's the value that it has for people in our family? And then, figuring out what to keep. But I think that's a good reminder. Check that out today. Check it out. What is getting out of your bank account that you aren't 100% sure of?
I have to go back to the passport stuff, because it happened more than once to more than one client. When you're traveling, and there's a lot of details like that, make a list, brainstorm everything you think you may need and want, and keep double checking it, and have other people double check it with you, because you don't want to rely on your memory. Oh, gosh, please do not rely on your memory. We need to have it written down, and we need to have what your steps are to prevent this from happening again. And that's where, I think, the learning opportunity is.
If you're getting a lot of late fees, figure out how to automate your bills so that you're not having to pay those late fees. You don't even have to think about it. It's so easy to do online bill paying. Talk to your bank, talk to somebody that, if you're not tech savvy, talk to somebody that can help you set it up. You'll avoid a lot of headache that way.
Pete Wright:
Sure.
Nikki Kinzer:
And I think it's really taking a step back at maybe where, in your life, you're feeling the tax, and then, like Pete says, you just take it one thing at a time. What tools do I know of that will help me with this?
If I'm not getting promoted at work and I really think I should, what can you do with that? Can you talk to your boss? Can you talk to a colleague? Maybe it's not the right job. Maybe you start looking for a new job to get that job promotion that you want. I think it's just, like you said, you just have to go back and take each piece and figure out what your options are.
Pete Wright:
The hardest part, I think, is recognizing ... It may come with a little bit of, I don't want to use the S word, shame, but it may come with a little bit of shame that you've already been working on a system or a process that it helps you manage your time and your fractured attention. Maybe you figured out the calendar thing. Maybe you understand how time works and you're wrestling with that alligator every day. It's making the connection that, hey, oh, so many things around the ADHD tax, that I'm paying the ADHD tax for, I could use an existing system to help me dominate. Like the subscriptions, I could just add a thing to my calendar that reminds me, "Hey, take 15 minutes every other month and review the subscriptions I've signed up for," and use those tools like the alarms and reminders that you are already using for other stuff to incorporate into your ADHD tax items.
But some of the pain is, for me at least, today, which writing it all down, really thinking about, where are the things that I'm paying a tax on? And sitting for just a bit in the embarrassment that I'm paying the tax on stuff, and I'm an adult human being and I should be better than that. That's the language that first hits me. And then, I have to say, wait a minute, I am an adult human being who is not perfect, and I get to be whoever I want to be today. And today, I'm going to be a guy who wrestles with that particular alligator. Today, I'm going to be a guy who writes down, "Make sure to cancel this subscription in six days and don't wait until seven." Or, make sure to remind myself in three days that I need to cancel this thing in six days. What are the systems that I need to put into place to actually figure that out? Does that make any sense?
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, it makes a lot of sense, and I think, to summarize a little bit of what you said when you started talking about that is, it's adding something to what you're already doing.
If you're already reviewing your budget or you're already reviewing something at the end of the month, you just add this to it. I think it's the awareness that I think we're trying to build more than anything is, if this is here, if you're feeling this, then, as you say, identify those areas for you, build that awareness that this is very impactful not just financially, but emotionally, and then, like you said, how do we dig into that? How do we start to break that down.
And bless Melissa. In the outline, she's like, "Talk about the GPS membership." How does GPS help you avoid ...
Pete Wright:
She totally anchormans you, right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
You're talking along, and then, she writes in the script as you're talking. It's like, "Don't forget this."
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. "You can't afford not to do this." Yeah, I love you, Melissa.
And I do want to talk about it in the way that you don't ... Obviously I want you to join, but if you can't, because it is a paid service, one of the points, one of the many points of GPS is planning. And planning ahead and trying to figure out, what do you need to do this week? What do I need to do today? And it's having a system in place that you can trust and rely on. When you have those systems in place. You can put the reminders in. You can say, "Check the subscriptions." Or you have, today, the task that's saying, "Return this to Amazon," whatever. You can break down the tasks so it's a little bit easier to start them. Those are the kinds of things that help with the tax, and it definitely can make a difference.
And it's something, of course, I want you to consider GPS because it's a great program, but I also, in general, want you to just consider what is your overall system when it comes to tasks and management and things that you have to do that aren't right now, because ADHD likes to think about now and not in the future, and a lot of this stuff happens in the future, and then, now, all of a sudden, they've happened and now we can't do anything about it.
Pete Wright:
Right.
Nikki Kinzer:
What is it? Building that muscle about seeing into the future. What's coming up that I may need to do to prevent that tax? Just a question to think about.
Pete Wright:
I think we should do a better job of indoctrinating the ADHD tax as not an informal phrase, but as a formal phrase. The ADHD tax is a legitimate thing that we deal with, and I think the way through it is to talk about it. And it's uncomfortable, but thinking about the areas where ADHD is applying a cost, an additional cost, monetary, emotional, chronological cost to your life, we have to just accept that, without judgment or emotion, just accept it. This is the reality in which we live. But if we keep just sweeping those impacts under, giving them the side eye and saying, "Well, there's another fee," we're just going to pay another fee later.
I think we have to talk about it and not hide from the things that are applying these costs to our lives because they're just ... Maya Angelou says, when she's talking about, the context was very different, but I love the way she looks at this. She says, when you're picking at people, when you're dealing with race or classism, it usually comes with the blow, bite and blow. You blow to anesthetize the skin, and then, you bite to cause pain, but the recipient can't feel it, and then, you blow again to make the pain go away. And then, the recipient only feels it later, after the slight has happened and is long gone, and you have to live with the pain of that slight. I kind of feel like that with the ADHD tax, that we anesthetize ourselves to it by looking at it and shoving it out of the rug, but the cost, it comes later. The French have a term. In English, it's elevator humor, but there's also elevator pain. Elevator humor or escalator humor is the thing that, you come up with a joke or a comeback when you're already on the escalator going down, leaving from wherever you were. It's the implied like, "Oh, if I should have said this."
Well, that's the same thing with the ADHD tax. It's, I should have, could have, would've, and now, I have to incur the cost because I didn't. And the message is not, "God, it's so hard dealing with all these things, isn't it? Oh, well. Look, I stepped in poo." The point is, we can do these things. We actually talk about the skills required to handle every one of these things in so many past episodes. We have the skills. We have the technology. We can build a response to the ADHD tax. We just have to talk about it and remind ourselves and each other that the pain we're feeling right now as a direct result of the ADHD tax. What are we going to do to fix it instead of just paying it again and again? We need ADHD accountants to help us find ways to pay less on the ADHD tax. Ugh. New podcast idea. The ADHD accountants.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Well, that's where coaching comes in, my friend.
Pete Wright:
That's right. Your ADHD coach is your ADHD accountant.
Nikki Kinzer:
It is your accountant, yeah.
Pete Wright:
That's your accountant. Oh, my goodness. The metaphor keeps going-
Nikki Kinzer:
Got to stick up for the ADHD coaches.
Pete Wright:
.... and going and going.
No, but that's exactly right. We can't understate the value of coaching. It is that applied attention to making change in your life. It's incredibly value, and I think it's critical, if you're really struggling with this, to have some way to reflect on how it's impacting your life. That's all.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. It's great. Thank you, Pete Wright.
Pete Wright:
Ooh. I'm exhausted.
Nikki Kinzer:
Good stuff. I know.
Pete Wright:
Oh, man. Now, I just have this list looming over me.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, delete the list. That's not going to help you. Looking at it, I don't know. Well, take one thing, and then, archive the rest.
Pete Wright:
Just knock it off the list.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. That's right.
Nikki Kinzer:
I don't want to look at it all at once.
Pete Wright:
That's the overwhelm, yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
Well, this is great. Thank you so much.
Nikki Kinzer:
Thank you.
Pete Wright:
And another shout out to Melissa. This was another Melissa idea that has been in Melissa's vault.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
Did you know Melissa has, like Walt Disney, Melissa has a vault too, the Discord mom vault. And sometimes, the vault opens up, but then it closes for nine years and you can't see what's inside it anymore.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. No. Mm-mm. Taylor Swift has a vault too.
Pete Wright:
Taylor Swift has a vault. Prince had a vault. We're still cranking out original music Prince because of the vault.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
Maybe this is just about the vault.
Nikki Kinzer:
Maybe.
Pete Wright:
The ADHD vault.
Nikki Kinzer:
There you go.
Pete Wright:
Anyway, thank you, Melissa, for your help in prompting this conversation. And then, we're going to move on with the rest of our weekend.
Nikki Kinzer:
That's great.
Pete Wright:
Thank you for hanging out. For those and the members, that's one of the things, if you're a member, you get to hang out with us in the livestream, and we thank you so much for hanging out in the livestream, members. And if you're not a member yet, come join us. We'll tell you when we're recording, and then, you can hang out in the live stream and chat with us. It's super fun, and that's really all I have to say.
We appreciate you downloading and listening to the show, everybody. Thanks for your time and attention and if you're jumping into the Discord into the show talk channel, that's where we're going to be to talk about this episode, all you have to do is become a Deluxe level patron. On behalf of Nikki Kinzer, I'm Pete Wright, and we'll see you right back here next week on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast.
