You’re Not Behind. You’re Exhausted.
Pete and Nikki kick off the new season by naming the thing nobody wants to put on a vision board: the post-holiday crash. If you’ve come out the other side feeling “behind,” they argue you’re not failing—you’re recovering. And because ADHD loves a transition about as much as it loves a quiet restaurant, that return-to-normal whiplash can hit harder than you expect.
The temptation, of course, is to fix the feeling by buying a brand-new feeling: new planner, new system, new you, new personality, new carbon-based lifeform. Nikki gently drags that impulse into the daylight and offers a more realistic move—skip the reinvention and reestablish one anchor routine you already know helps. Something small, repeatable, and boring in the way that’s actually useful, whether it’s hydration, an end-of-day reset, or getting sleep back on purpose instead of by accident.
They also lean into compassionate reframing—swapping the “I blew it” narrative for language that’s both true and less cruel—because shame is a famously unreliable productivity tool. There’s a new resource tied to that idea, too, and it’s meant to be the quick handrail you grab when January starts acting like a performance review.
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Pete Wright
Hello everybody and welcome to Taking Control, the ADHD podcast on TrueStory FM. I'm Pete Wright, and right there is Nikki Kinzer.
Nikki Kinzer
Hello, everyone. Hello, Pete Wright.
Pete Wright
How are you this fine season thirty-two, episode one?
Nikki Kinzer
Woohoo, doing great.
Pete Wright
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Nikki Kinzer
New season.
Pete Wright
Happy New Year, yes.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, very exciting.
Pete Wright
Uh happy new year. I by the time people hear this this. It's hardly New Year anymore. But as we're recording this, this is our first time actually uh podding together uh in the um
Nikki Kinzer
Back potting, yes. It's been a few weeks.
Pete Wright
It's been some weeks and we got through the holidays and we're and now we are uh we're not behind. No, we're just exhausted.
Nikki Kinzer
No. Exhausted from being exhausted, yes.
Pete Wright
Um Yeah. From exhausted, tired from being admired. Anybody? No?
Nikki Kinzer
No.
Pete Wright
Okay. That's a quote. Whoever who's gonna get it. Uh we're gonna talk all about that today, um uh the emotional state. uh that we are living in after uh especially big events. Before we dig in, a quick word about, you know, how this show exists. Taking control is listener supported. And if this show has ever helped you to feel a little less alone or to understand your ADHD with a bit more compassion, you can support the work of the production of this show directly at patreon. com slash the adhd podcast. A few dollars a month helps us to keep the show going and growing, to invest in the community and build what comes next. It also gets you access to fun perks. It gets you access to the Discord community. You get access to the live streams and can watch the show and chime in with us as we are recording. We love that participation and we love being a part of it. part of this fantastic community. As always, you can find us at Take Control ADHD. You can listen to the show. Join the mailing list to get a new episode delivered to you each week. And if you want uh e even more connection. You can find us on all the socials at take control ADHD. Easy place to land, ask questions, and talk with people who get it. All right, Nikki. You're not behind.
Nikki Kinzer
Yes, yes.
Pete Wright
You're exhausted. It sounds so accusatory. Uh, but man, I kinda like
Nikki Kinzer
Well I think it's it's um you know I've had a lot of conversations this week uh as people are getting back into their routine and you know there we've talked about the expectations of The new year, new you, setting resolutions, and all of the stuff that just, you know, feels icky. um when you have ADHD and and when you're feeling behind, you know, like why do you want to start anything new? And you're tired, you know, especially if you did take some time off. And it doesn't even matter if you took like a week off or even just had the day off, you know, transitions are hard. They're really hard. And I think that we forget that when we are thrown into to society's new year BS is kind of what I want to say it
Pete Wright
I know I feel it. I feel it we when uh when I start work and it just feels like I'm everybody's ahead. Even if I never quite embrace that the the negative self-talk of I'm behind, it does feel like I could be on schedule, but everybody else is ahead.
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
That might be my glass half full, my best glass half full uh approach to this is I'm I'm functionally behind, but really everyone else has just had feels like they have more time.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah.
Pete Wright
Uh and there's so much pressure.
Nikki Kinzer
Or they're will they're well rested. Like they're they are rested for some reason.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
And so now they're able to like go in. But I think what we forget Is that if you had a busy holiday season, your brain is on, you know, 100% plus, right?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
On fire. because it is um it is such a busy time and there are so many little things that are happening and you know, you you're on and then you are off and then maybe you have some turmoil, you know, in there and a lot of emotions. I mean, it was interesting because when we were talking about the holidays before the holidays with some of my um group members it ended up being more about like grief around the holidays rather than like let's celebrate. I mean there's a lot of feelings right that are coming up around the holidays that aren't always like joyful.
Pete Wright
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
And so I think that when you come off of that, yeah, you're feeling like you're behind because your feelings aren't quite where you think they should be. Or you're not feeling the way that you think you should be, because everybody else is feeling great and optimistic.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
And, you know, maybe you're not feeling, you're you're feeling behind. You're feeling like I can't catch up.
Pete Wright
Yeah. Do you know what it is? I feel like starting before the holidays, the the holiday season, this particular holiday season. for me is full of the battle of the shoulds because that starts before the holiday break, before I'm taking time off to be with family and do that stuff. It starts when I should be able to get everything done before the end of the year that I told myself I was going to do. And invariably I don't get it all done. And then the pressure for the personal pressure, feeling of family, kids coming home, like I need to be. ready and and available for them. So I just drop stuff.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
I should have done that stuff. I didn't. Now should I take time out of my holiday to do stuff that I should have done before the right the shoulds start piling up.
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
And now you start the new year after you come back into a full work schedule and you're like, well, now I'm packed with all the should've's. That I could have, but I didn't. And that lends itself to that feeling of immediate exhaustion, uh, exasperation.
Nikki Kinzer
And that's what it is. It's it's yes, it's mental exhaustion, right?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
So I think that the message, the key message is that you're not failing, you're not behind, you're just tired, and your ADHD brain needs some recovery time.
Pete Wright
Yes.
Nikki Kinzer
That's what it needs. It needs some recovery time.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
And um, you know, one of the things that we get tricked into thinking is that, oh, we need a new planner. That's what my brain needs. I need a new planner or I need a new system or I need a, you know, I uh well I I am
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
saying this. I need to organize my house. Well I say that because I'm doing a declutter challenge in the you know in the month of January.
Pete Wright
Yeah, right, right. You're in the process.
Nikki Kinzer
So I'm all for decluttering the house in January. But uh But I think that we you know, we trick ourselves into thinking, I need something new, I need something different. Um, but really what what your brain needs right now is to recover. Um and I think that this is key too, is that you can rest even after taking vacation. Right. Like you still need to you you you don't want to just go from zero to a hundred. Like we still need to have those times of rest because when you come back to work For example, let's say you came back to work on Monday, January 5th. That's when a lot of people came back. Then you you you feel like, okay, well, I gotta make the most out of this day. I and I can't have a relaxing evening unless I have like the most productive day. But rest isn't earned by productivity. You you need to have rest. You need to have recovery time. So if you started going in on Monday, started tackling your email, we need to have some recovery time in between the email and the next task. Right. Like there's gotta be some more buffer time and and it's not something that you have to earn. And so I think um We have to remember that our brains need that. And we, you know, the more we can lean into that, then we're not leaning into the high expectations and the shoulds. And maybe be a little more self-compassionate, which we're gonna talk a lot about.
Pete Wright
Yeah, yeah. I I so I a couple of things.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah
Pete Wright
First of all, can I tell you I the way this this works in my head. It's a it's a thing that I've been I've been calling I don't know if I've called it in the show, but I call it the dopamine fallacy for me, which is that that thing where you think, oh, I'm exhausted, or or you don't know you're exhausted, but you You that exhaustion makes you feel behind. So you start a new thing, right? You start a new task manager, you start a new calendar, you start something new because you think that the dopamine is telling you, oh, if that will give me energy.
Nikki Kinzer
Bis
Pete Wright
to get through the next phase and and get on in control of stuff. And that's the fallacy part. And it doesn't. It just makes you more exhausted because uh you now you have to mm migrate your life to a new system. As somebody who l has lived that life uh many times over, I can say with great pride. that I did not start a new system this holiday season. I didn't touch it. I didn't start a new thing. And as a result, I think now that we're talking about it, I'm actually a little less exhausted. Because I came back to systems that I know, that I can trust, that I didn't start a new calendar because the calendar I have is just fine. I really, I think I can come up with a framework that is more um sane sober.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pete Wright
Right? I'm not dopamine drunk uh on new shiny stuff.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, absolutely. I like that. Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
Yeah. Okay.
Nikki Kinzer
So going into this, I think it's important that we talk about reset. We talk about, you know, what that look recovery time looks like. And and not focus on their reinvention, like you're saying. Like we don't need to do that. Like we can we can put that aside. That's not the time for this is not the time for that. Uh one of the things that really resonated with uh one of my uh GPS members is I had asked the group uh what is one anchor routine that they want to reestablish in right now? So what is something that you used to do that somehow got off track because maybe it's just been in the last couple weeks because of the holidays, but maybe it was actually it's been off track for a while, right? Like, but you know that it it it's not anything new. You know that it's something that has worked before. And I think that that's key is that what we're doing is we're putting attention back to one thing that we know helps us. And for me, what screamed out was I drank considerably less water during the holidays. I and and and I think that because the work gives me some structure around drinking water because it's easy to, you know, fill the bottle and have it with me throughout the day. But when you don't When you're not working, I didn't have the water. And so I drank a lot less. So for me, that was like, okay, this is something that I can pay attention to. It's not anything new and it's not going to be incredibly hard to do. Right. I just have to focus on it. I just have to put attention to it. Um, so I'm curious, like what would be your anchor routine that you would want to re-establish during this time, Pete?
Pete Wright
I I I weirdly it's it's the same thing. It's it's Hydration, isn't that funny?
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah.
Pete Wright
Uh, because when I'm not at my desk, I don't I lose the water b bottle, I don't have it handy, and um uh and so that's that would be the first, but I don't wanna steal yours. Um I think the anchor
Nikki Kinzer
You can steal mine, I think that's great.
Pete Wright
No, I uh no, we need multiples. I really like uh uh my anchor routine is my end-of-day routine, my four o'clock routine that has me look at what I did today and plan for tomorrow. And when I lose that, I lose weeks of of function, right? Because I'm constantly just looking at the next thirty minutes. And I'm not able to think ahead. I'm not able to make to completely finish the stuff I agreed to do on Monday by Friday. Um but when I have that anchor routine that four o'clock afternoon like here's Here's what I've uh I miss that. Even during the holidays, I don't sit down, I don't open my phone at four o'clock and just look at because everything's so squishy, you know, like everything's Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Oh, I didn't even know what day it was, like half of the time.
Pete Wright
Oh yeah, that's for
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah.
Pete Wright
Sure.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, for sure.
Pete Wright
Yeah. So it's it's probably that, but you know, that feels so productive. Is that what you're talking about? Anchor routines?
Nikki Kinzer
It doesn't have to be productive.
Pete Wright
Does that work?
Nikki Kinzer
I mean, I think I see what you're saying. Um It's just something that helps you, whatever it is.
Pete Wright
Mm-hmm.
Nikki Kinzer
Like I don't I don't want to say that it doesn't have to be productive, and I don't want to say that it that it has to be. I think it's whatever anchors you that you that you want and and it's only one thing because we don't want to go into this whole oh I want to drink so many you know liters of water per day
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
I'm just gonna focus on drinking more water during the day.
Pete Wright
Right. Yeah, I just have it.
Nikki Kinzer
Like I'm not putting any like huge, you know, uh criteria around it. Um, and that's where I would want, and I think what what I want the audience to also think about what would be your one anchor routine that you could focus on this week. Because what does what this does Is it keeps us moving forward, but it doesn't shame us into thinking that we need to do something new. It doesn't It doesn't put the pressure that we have to be something that we're not already. We are doing something that we know helps us and supports us that we've already done.
Pete Wright
Yeah. Okay, okay. I got another one. Uh when when we're not in vacation mode.
Nikki Kinzer
Okay.
Pete Wright
I go to sleep. Usually I go to sleep on my wife's schedule because she gets up very early in the morning. And so we are in bed at like 9:15. And we're reading or we're go and and we sleep with purpose, right?
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
We s we go to sleep intentionally on time to get enough sleep and to do and and generally feel better. And uh I that was totally broken over the break, over travel, over sleeping in Airbnb beds, whatever.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah
Pete Wright
Like it just wasn't good. And I've and and that takes it takes as somebody who's had long trouble with sleep, when I fall out of that anchor routine, it's hard to get back into it. It's really, really hard to to for my energetic roller coaster to kind of fall in line with a
Nikki Kinzer
Absolutely.
Pete Wright
an appropriate a better sleep schedule. So that's that's one that I'm really aware of right now.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
So sleep, hydration, yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
And then we just take a small little step to get back into that
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
sleep routine, right? Whatever that may be. So it's not necessarily even saying I'm going to go to bed at 9. 15 every night, but can you like set an alarm? Would that help you to just remind you that it's getting close?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
to time or you know whatever it might be just to kind of trigger that that uh action again the the that set of routine or actions yeah
Pete Wright
Oh yeah. And I do I do have the w uh uh you know, I wear the Apple Watch and it does have the wind down routine. So I have it it it's all set because I tell it here's when I'd like to go to sleep in order to get get this much sleep. So it starts alerting me. It says, hey, you're about to start winding down. You should, you know, start thinking about that.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
And and uh it doesn't give a whole lot of detail. I I give it more detail. But the alert just says, Your bedtime's coming up.
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
Uh what I'm saying is, yeah, you should put your devices away. You should finish doing the dishes. You should uh, you know, go upstairs, brush your teeth.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm. Start winding down.
Pete Wright
Yeah, yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah.
Pete Wright
So That's a good one.
Nikki Kinzer
All right. So that's one. And then the rest of our conversation is going to be centered around one thing, which is so important. And it's probably not going to be a huge surprise to anyone. But we want to talk about compassionate framing. What are you saying to yourself about yourself during this time? And we've got to watch our language because I've heard some really rotten things that people are saying about themselves, right? I'm so behind. Um, I should be doing that, I should have done that, I sh you know, I've completely fallen off track, whatever it is. And so we've all said those things. And the hidden kind of underneath this belief is that I should be doing better. I should already be doing this. Why am I not enough right now? What we want to do is start reframing that, that you're realigning, you're recovering. Um this acknowledges what you're going through without judgment. Right? You're not failing. You're recovering from a period of change, a period of overstimulation, and major expectation overload.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
Right.
Nikki Kinzer
And uh so we really want to start reframing how we're talking to ourselves and and put put things in more of a compassionate frame. framing. And I want to remind people why this is so important when you have EDHD because you are spending an enormous amount of energy performing through the holiday chaos. And I say performing because as an introvert, I was performing.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Right?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Like this is not easy.
Pete Wright
Yep.
Nikki Kinzer
Even though I love my family and friends and I love spending time with them, it's still performing. And you know, you you have to take into consideration the emotional regulation, the decision making, the social connections, the sensory load, all of those things are happening. And then now there's this crash.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
And I'm supposed to go back to normal. And I'm supposed to go back to these routines. And it's not a lack of motivation. It's your nervous system that's asking. you to give it some repair time. And so that's why it is so important that we we reframe this and we understand why is hap why it's happening.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Um January does not have to be a new year, new you. You are great just the way you are, right?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
You you are already you've already been working on things. Continue working on those things like you were saying before. You don't need a new system.
Pete Wright
Mm-hmm.
Nikki Kinzer
You don't need a new calendar. The calendar's working. Okay, great. Let's just keep it. Like you're you're doing good okay already. Um
Pete Wright
Um,
Nikki Kinzer
So this compassionate reframe is also saying that your value doesn't increase because you bought a new planner or you are going to the gym. Right, you're already enough. Um, it isn't, it's also not pretending that everything is fine. Um, or give it, you know, it's giving you more permission to be where you are without that shame. And so you're giving yourself that understanding. Um so I have a couple other examples just so people can kind of put this into frame like how they could maybe say it to themselves.
Pete Wright
Yeah, please.
Nikki Kinzer
You know, so I should have started something sooner. That's a pretty common thing, right? Like um for ADHD. What if you said I'm starting when I'm ready? And now this is particular, this may not necessarily be for like a work project, for example. Like that's a whole nother kind of topic that we probably have to talk about at some point. But if you say I should have started something sooner, like a movement thing, I want to move more. I should have started this sooner. Well, for what if you put compassion around that and for whatever reason you weren't ready at that time? Maybe you were physically tired. Maybe you were mentally tired. Maybe you didn't have everything you needed or you weren't really ready to start. But now you're starting to feel better and you're starting. It's like kind of those like those um steps of change, you know, when we're looking at like when you're ready to to actually change from the idea to when you're ready to take action. Uh so caring for it. And I keep putting my hands, I know people can't see this, but I keep kind of putting my hand, my hands together like you're carrying it with love, you're carrying it with compassion. Um, I've wasted so much time. Well, what if you said I was recovering energy that I now can get to use?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Didn't have the energy then, but I do now. So I didn't waste time.
Pete Wright
Right.
Nikki Kinzer
I rested. You know, I did what I needed to do. You don't buy it.
Pete Wright
That's lovely.
Nikki Kinzer
What is that?
Pete Wright
What are you talking about?
Nikki Kinzer
Oh, I well no, your face was like, oh, I don't know.
Pete Wright
No. No, I'm not at all. I'm I'm on board. I I think that's a really good thing because that's exactly I w what I'm smiling at is
Nikki Kinzer
Okay
Pete Wright
that this this language is not it it's not about t like just telling yourself something new. It's about telling the truth, right?
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
And I think there's a when you're ready for change, you realize that when you hear those words that it y you hear the truth and you know it as truth and that's a big deal, right? Because th I've wasted so much time is not truth. That's the thing that that the you know, that our our lizard brain tells us, but it's not truth.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
Uh the truth is we're very complex and we were recovering energy that we now get to use better, more efficiently. Um yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah. And that goes into like I need to try harder, right? That's my third example.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Last example is I need to try harder. It's not about trying harder. It maybe it's about trying differently. Hard work isn't the issue. We all are working really, really hard. Right. And so that's not the issue, but maybe the strategy is. Maybe the expectations are too high. Maybe what you know you think you can get done. is not the the the right expectation. We need to lower that a little bit or whatever it might be.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Like it's the strategy that we need to focus on. It's not about you working more or working harder. And so that is also, I think. Honoring that you when you have your energy and when you're able to do these things and not trying to push yourself. Um so yeah, I think that you know the the main uh lesson or or kind of takeaway is that you know how are we talking to ourselves? Can we do this in a way that's more compassionate and really understand why your ADHD brain needs this recovery time?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Because I'm sure that most of the people that are listening to this understand what we're saying.
Pete Wright
Yeah. Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
This is I don't feel rejuvenated necessarily, right? Like I like we were talking about, I feel behind. So can we switch that?
Pete Wright
Yeah. That's why one of the most common refrains after vacation is I need a vacation, right?
Nikki Kinzer
Right, exactly.
Pete Wright
Like I need an I need a break where I'm uh you know, where I can actually re feel like I I I can accomplish recovery of this debt, right?
Nikki Kinzer
Yes, yes.
Pete Wright
There's a there's an energetic debt that I'm trying to get back on top of.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah
Pete Wright
I borrowed energy to get through a complicated time, a complicated season, and my nervous system is now begging to be paid back.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
And that's okay.
Nikki Kinzer
Absolutely.
Pete Wright
That's okay. But again, we have to we have to say that as a truth for ourselves and not the shame should spiral that I think we're used to.
Nikki Kinzer
Right. Yeah. And to help our listeners with compassionate reframing, we have created a new free resource. source. It's called compassionate reframing for the ADHD brain.
Pete Wright
Hallelujah.
Nikki Kinzer
Uh this what's that?
Pete Wright
I said hallelujah.
Nikki Kinzer
Hallelujah.
Pete Wright
It was not a it was not something to stop for, but now that we've done it, hallelujah.
Nikki Kinzer
Hallelujah, Pete Wright says. There you go. Uh so what what this is for is we want you to to learn how to quiet that self-criticism, build that self-understanding. Take what we've talked about today, and we hope that it helps you. uh with your own practical reframes for for your common ADHD challenges. And there's a couple of exercises there to help you do that as well. So you can download it, print it, keep it on your phone. As a quick reset anytime a negative self-talk takes over. So we definitely want you to come back to it time and time again. No matter what.
Pete Wright
Please.
Nikki Kinzer
Doesn't have to be during January.
Pete Wright
Yes.
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
I I haven't seen it. Is it finished? Is it ready?
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, I mean it is, but we need you to do some things and I need Melissa to do some things, so
Pete Wright
Okay, so when we've done our things, I just want to make sure that people know that if you are a member, you'll get it early because
Nikki Kinzer
Yes.
Pete Wright
you know it'll go out for members we're gonna do some things and then you'll be able to get it early so another reason yes the show notes which we do have
Nikki Kinzer
After we do our things. And then it will be in the show notes. For everyone else. Yes. We have show notes.
Pete Wright
I I'm gonna start including more Easter eggs in the show notes. Like people are gonna need want to go to those show notes.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah.
Pete Wright
I used to, do you remember?
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah.
Pete Wright
I I used to I think I used to have more fun with the show notes.
Nikki Kinzer
Probably. I'm sure because you're pretty creative with your writing, so
Pete Wright
Yeah I'm just there's a What is it?
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, I'm not surprised. But uh but yeah, we want you guys to to practice this because it's easy to think about it and oh yeah, I'll do that, but then not do anything with it.
Pete Wright
Did I just get old? I just got old Yes.
Nikki Kinzer
So hopefully this put this in your toolbox, your ADHD toolbox.
Pete Wright
For sure. Which lives starts at the show notes. Your toolbox starts at the show notes.
Nikki Kinzer
Exactly. Where Pete's gonna put Easter eggs.
Pete Wright
Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much for hanging out and listening to us. As always, we appreciate your time and your attention. And don't forget, if you've got something to contribute to this conversation, we're heading over to the Show Talk channel in our Discord server. And you can join us right there by becoming a supporting member at the deluxe level or better. Patreon. com slash the ADHD. Podcast. On behalf of Nikki Kinzer, I'm Pete Wright, and we'll see you right back here next week on Taking Control, the ADHD podcast.
