Searching for ‘Just Right’

If you have lived with the knowledge of your ADHD for any length of time, you have probably tried many different tools and strategies.

Some of them may work really well and you continue to use them today.

There are also probably a ton of others that you felt didn't work well with your ADHD and you stopped using them.

But, are you sure they didn't work?

Everything isn't ‘just right’

Recently, on an episode of Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, Pete and I discussed the difference between a new system not working and just being uncomfortable working with something new.

As humans, we like to be comfortable. We like to feel in control and that everything is going the way that feels the best.

I don't know anyone who seeks out being uncomfortable on purpose. We're all a little like Goldilocks. We want things to be just right, and when they're not, we tend to move on quickly until we find something that is.

Unfortunately, it's normally not as simple as just moving to the next bed or eating from a different bowl. It usually takes a while to find that ‘just right’ feeling, and you may have to endure things that are ‘too hard’ or ‘too soft’ for a time until you get it where you want it.

Is it broken or uncomfortable?

When you go to try something new—a strategy, tool, system, or even a wool sweater—and it doesn't feel right, try asking yourself some of these questions to determine whether this something new is really not going to work, or if it’s just uncomfortable:

• How long have you been trying this new strategy?
  I have heard many stories from clients and members of our GPS Program. Usually they will find something new, try it once, decide it “doesn’t work”, then move on to the next thing. If you were a manager and a new employee had a bad first day, would you immediately fire them? No. You would understand that it takes time to adjust and give them time to learn and get better. This is a great way to view trying new things as well.

• What problem are you trying to solve?
  This is an important question. If you can easily answer this question, then you need to decide if what you are trying is designed to solve that problem. If it is, then you may need to learn more about the tool or strategy to make sure you are using it properly and effectively.
  
  If you don’t have a solid answer to this question, you may want to re-evaluate why you are trying this in the first place.

• What isn’t working?
  You will want to know why you feel like this new system is not working. Can you pinpoint a specific part of this new process that doesn’t feel right? Is there a way you could remove or change that part and still keep what is working?
  
  If you’re answer to this question is “I don’t like it” or “It doesn’t work” you may not have spent enough time with the new system to know whether it might be helpful.

• What do you like about the new system?
  We need to make sure we aren’t just reflecting on the negative things, but also noting the positive things about the system. Does it solve a problem? Are there features you enjoy? Even if you decide to move on from this system to something new, at least you have a better idea of what you do want.

If you find that you haven't spent enough time with the new strategy or system, I would encourage you to give it a fair shot. While first impressions are important, they don't always tell the whole story.

We all know it takes time to create a new habit or wear in a new pair of shoes. In the same way, it takes time to get comfortable using a new tool or system.

Most importantly, as you spend time with this new strategy, be kind to yourself, give yourself plenty of grace, and go into each day without judgment.

You've got this!

Thank you for your time and attention,

Nikki