The Origin of the Shame Spiral
Have you ever wondered where certain phrases originated?
Like "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" or "hold your horses". Where did these, and other phrases come from, and why do we still use them today?
Well, today I learned where the term 'shame spiral' originated.
At first, I had other plans for this week's blog post, but the more I dug into the history of this phrase we use so often on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, the more I learned. The more I learned, the more I wanted the opportunity to share it with you.
So, I hope you will enjoy a little detour from the normal content of the blog, as we hop in our handy-dandy time machine and travel back to the year 1974.
A little history lesson
The year 1974 was quite notable in US History. President Richard Nixon would resign from his post after the Watergate Scandal. If you're a fan of boxing, you may know that the famous Rumble in the Jungle in Zaire took place in 1974 between two famous boxers, Muhammed Ali and George Foreman. Movie-goers during that time were standing in line to see new box office hits Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, and popular singer, Barbara Streisand hit #1 on the Billboard charts.
But, the reason we’re here today starts with a man named Gershen Kaufman. Kaufman was Professor Emeritus in psychology at Michigan State University. In 1974 he had an article published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology entitled, The Meaning of Shame: Toward a Self-Affirming Identity.
Today, many within the psychology community name Gershen Kaufman as a pioneer in the study of shame and the person who originally coined the phrase 'shame spiral'.
It seems that while shame was a concept during this time, there wasn't much research or study into what shame was or how it affected someone.
That all changed with Gershen Kaufman.
I had the pleasure of being able to read Mr. Kaufman's original 1974 article. While this is an article in a medical journal, the language is not difficult to understand, and you don't get bogged down with a lot of hard medical terms. I highly encourage you to take the time (about 15 - 20 minutes) to read through the thoughts of Gershen Kaufman in this article.
Why does it matter where the term came from?
Do we really need to know why one hand bird is equal in value to two bush birds, or the reason why we feel the need to tell others to get handsy with our horses? No. Unless you're curious, knowing the answer to these questions may not benefit you much unless you plan on being a future contestant on Jeopardy.
However, when we're talking about something we use to explain how we feel, or what we experience in our personal lives, it can really help to know where it came from and why, and how it got to still be used today.
You may have heard the phrase "name it to claim it". While we may not want to claim our shame, once we have diagnosed the root of our problem, we can begin to use the right tools to work through it.
And, I don’t know about you, but sometimes it's just nice to know there’s someone out there that just "gets it".
I hope you enjoyed this little trip through history today, and I hope you take the time to read the words of Gershen Kaufman.
But, before I go, I want to leave you with a taste of what you can expect from Kaufman’s article from 1974, where he explains what it feels like for someone to experience shame.
The experience of shame is a fundamental sense of being defective as a person, accompanied by fear of exposure and self-protective rage.
You be the judge. Did he get it right?
Thank you for your time and attention,
- Nikki
You didn’t think I would leave you wondering about those other two sayings I referenced at the beginning, did you? For those of you that are curious, here’s what I learned:
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
The History
They say this phrase can be traced all the way back to medieval times with the first time in recorded history was in the 15th century. It is believed this phrase relates to the practice of falconry. So, “a bird in the hand” refers to the falcon that accompanies that falconer. “…two in the bush” is in reference to literal birds in a bush—the prey the falcon would hunt.
The Meaning
It’s better to stick with the sure thing you already have than to hold out form something better that isn’t guaranteed.
The History
There doesn’t seem to be a clear answer on exactly where this phrase started. Many people think it has something to do with any time before cars where horses were used as the main source of transportation. The phrase would mean to hold back your horses from moving forward; to make them stay in place.
The Meaning
This one is a bit easier to figure out, especially if you’re a parent, as it seems like we tend to say this more to small, impatient children. To hold your horses is to wait; to slow down or stop.
