You Don't Need Anyone's Signature But Your Own

There's a specific kind of waiting a lot of us do.

Not the "I can't get started" kind. Not executive dysfunction. This is something different.

It's the "I've already decided, but I'm waiting for someone to say it's okay" kind.

Waiting to rest until you've earned it. Waiting for someone to validate your diagnosis. Waiting for permission to stop masking, ask for an accommodation, or want what you want without having to justify it to anyone.

Sound familiar?

Where this comes from

It's not a weakness. It's a pattern, and it has a name.

Research on self-determination theory shows that years of correction by teachers, parents, therapists, and other authority figures can create an unconscious reliance on external validation. As a child, checking with someone else before acting made sense. It kept you safe. It helped you navigate a world that kept telling you that you were doing it wrong.

But that pattern is still running at 40 or 50 years old. And the authority figures who taught it to you? Many of them aren't even in the room anymore.

As Pete put it this week, it worked when you were eight. It does not work at 48.

What does the waiting cost you

82% of adults with ADHD struggle with decision-making, and waiting for permission is part of why. When someone else decides, you don't have to be responsible for the outcome. It feels safer. But it also keeps you stuck.

And the RSD layer makes it even harder. Because if you wait and they say no, at least you didn't act first and cause a storm.

But life keeps moving. And the permission you're waiting for may never come.

Who are you actually waiting on?

This is the question worth sitting with.

Sometimes it's a real person, a boss, a partner, a parent. Sometimes it's a cultural norm, a gendered expectation, or a voice from long ago.

And sometimes? The person you're waiting on doesn't exist. Or they've been gone for decades. Or they're a 14-year-old version of you who didn't have the information you have now.

How to start writing your own slips

You can't think your way out of needing permission. You have to act your way out.

Start small:

• Write down one permission you've been waiting for

• Name who you're waiting on and ask if they even know you're waiting

• Find the smallest version of the act, something low-stakes enough to just try

• Notice that the world didn't end

Every small act builds evidence that you can move without asking first. That's how the permission muscle grows.

You don't need anyone's signature but your own. 🌿

📥 Grab The Permission Slip download — a short guide to help you name what you're waiting for and take one small step forward.