Celebrating What We Do
What if, instead of chasing perfection, we celebrated progress? What if the courage it takes to live with ADHD wasn’t just acknowledged but honored? This week on The ADHD Podcast, Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright (Nikki and Pete) challenge us to pause, reflect, and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves. This isn’t about doing more or trying harder—it’s about recognizing the monumental effort ADHDers put into simply existing in a world that often misunderstands them.
Here’s the truth: ADHD is not a character flaw. It’s not your fault. It’s real, complex, and challenging. Yet, too often, those with ADHD dismiss their victories, minimize their strengths, and shoulder blame that isn’t theirs. Nikki and Pete remind us that this cycle of self-criticism—those loud should statements and limiting beliefs—isn’t helping.
Living with ADHD takes courage, adaptability, and resilience. But ADHDers rarely give themselves credit for what they do accomplish. This episode is a rallying cry to celebrate just that—everything you’ve already done, no matter how small it seems.
Because:
Progress, not perfection, is what matters.
Resting counts.
Lowering expectations isn’t giving up—it’s being realistic and kind.
Asking for help shows wisdom, not weakness.
And above all, ADHD is something you have, not who you are.
This isn’t about celebrating accomplishments. It’s about rejecting perfectionism, reframing expectations, and creating a mindset that allows you to thrive. ADHD doesn’t define you, but it does shape how you live—and that’s something to honor.
So pause. Recognize your efforts. Celebrate what you do. You’ve got this.
Links & Notes
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Pete Wright:
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast on TruStory FM. I'm Pete Wright, and I'm here with Nikki Kinzer.
Nikki Kinzer:
Hello, everyone. Hello, Pete Wright.
Pete Wright:
Hello, Nikki Kinzer. I'm excited for the show today. It's very inspirational. Didn't know what you were talking about when you were inspired as if struck by lightning for this conversation, but now I'm excited about it and I'm ready to talk about celebrating what we do with our ADHD and what we accomplish. It's going to be great.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
This is officially our second episode in the season. It's a good way to kick in. If you are new to us, we invite you to head over to TakeControlADHD.com to get to know us a little bit better. You can listen to the show right there on the website or subscribe to the mailing list, and we will send you an email each time a new episode is released. You can find us on Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest or Bluesky at TakeControlADHD. But to really connect with us, join the ADHD Discord community. It's super easy to jump in the general community chat channel, totally free. Just visit TakeControlADHD.com/Discord to join in there. You'll see all of our current open public channels. It's a fantastic community.
If you're looking for a little bit more, if the show has ever touched you or helped you understand your relationship with ADHD in a new way, we invite you to support the show directly through Patreon. Patreon is listener-supported podcasting. With a few dollars a month, you can help guarantee that we continue to grow the show, add new features, and invest more heavily in the community. We would love you to do that at Patreon.com/TheADHDPodcast.
It's a tough market out there for podcasters, and I am hearing so many podcasts that are normally ad supported are deeply struggling. I cannot say enough from the bottom of my heart how much we appreciate member support, because member support is stable support. It is support that keeps the show going. We are not at the whims of the advertising market, which is finicky and persnickety and shrinking right now. It's uncertain for a lot of shows, and so deeply grateful this fine January as we drop this show for all of your support. If you haven't started supporting the show yet, now's a great time. Now's a great time. It means a lot. It really, really, really does. So, thank you everyone for doing it. Head over to Patreon.com/TheADHDPodcast pretty, pretty please. And now let's celebrate what we do.
Nikki, where did this come from?
Nikki Kinzer:
I have no idea because I really don't know where this came from. It just when the inspiration hits, it hits and you go with it. We were thinking about what we were going to talk about last week and how we were going to start the year, and this just felt like it was a great addition to what we talked about with breaking free from that try harder trap, right?
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Let's try less hard. Let's not try harder. So I thought this week it would be great to really focus and appreciate what we do do. All right. What we do do.
Pete Wright:
You said it. People heard it.
Nikki Kinzer:
Hey, I said it.
Pete Wright:
People said it. You heard it.
Nikki Kinzer:
I'm expecting you to say something.
Pete Wright:
You heard it, everybody. It was there. The problem is I was coughing and I wasn't quite ready, but we do do. You do do.
Nikki Kinzer:
We need to appreciate what we do do.
Pete Wright:
We all do do.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, God. We are silly. All right. But that is really what this show is about, is celebrating the effort and the courage and the perseverance to live with ADHD.
Pete Wright:
I love it and what better time to think about that stuff than when we're in the middle of stuff. Right now, in our community, we're in the middle of the declutter challenge. People are really taking control of their space, which is so exciting, and thinking about putting that mindful approach to how they live in their skin and with their things and in their shelters. What a great time to focus on how we do live with ADHD in a positive way.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Yeah. So before we get to the positive, we probably need to talk a little bit about what's going on and why it is so important that we go into more of that positive outlook and appreciate and celebrate that effort. So this is what I know from working with a lot of ADHDers, with living with people with ADHD, ADHDers do not give themselves enough credit.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, because whatever we do, it's always done from the perspective of deficit. It's done too late. It's done too little. It's never quite enough.
Nikki Kinzer:
Not enough. Right. They dismiss the good way too fast. So something good might happen, but then there's this but, right?
Pete Wright:
There's always a but.
Nikki Kinzer:
There's always a but and there's always a, "It could have been better. It could have been different," whatever, or they don't believe that it's true. It was just sort of a once in a lifetime thing that this happened and it's never going to happen again.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. By dint of luck, we're be able to get X, Y, Z done.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes, absolutely. Definitely, they're worst critics. They're harder on themselves than anyone will be on them. They take the blame when no blame is to even be had.
Pete Wright:
Oh, right. Right. Oh, this is actually my favorite one. This is the manufacturing our own blame syndrome. Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's all the sorrys.
Pete Wright:
The MBS. Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, all the sorrys.
Nikki Kinzer:
All the sorrys.
Pete Wright:
I don't even know. It's the thing, if you look around the room and you don't see who to blame, it's always you.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's always you. Yeah. You're going to say sorry, even if you don't even know what you're sorry about. You're going to assume-
Pete Wright:
And if you're not Canadian.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, exactly. So expectations are always too high.
Pete Wright:
Expectations are neurotypical.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. Yes. Lots of should statements. They're loud, all over the place. Limiting beliefs are very, very strong. Those are the stories that we tell ourselves about who we think we are, what we can do, what we can't do. Those keep playing over and over again in our mind. Perfectionism is something that people want, but it's not real. So you're trying for something that you're really never going to get because it's not a real thing and it's what is perfect? In whose terms? Who defines that, right?
Pete Wright:
Totally subjective.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Yeah. I do know that ADHD is not a character flaw. I know that it's not your fault and I know it's real.
Pete Wright:
Which is sadly a controversial statement.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes. Yes. What I did when I was thinking about this outline and what do we want the message to be, I flipped everything. So I am going to go through what we're calling for a change of mindset, and we're going to flip the script. From instead of feeling like ADHDers do not give themselves enough credit, we are going to start to celebrate what you do because it took time, it took effort, it's not easy, and you got it done.
Pete Wright:
Make me feel good.
Nikki Kinzer:
What have you done today? What was the very first... It's early in the morning, so what have you done today that you can say, "I got done," or "I feel good about this"?
Pete Wright:
I have done two things today that I'm... Well, three things. I walked my dog. That's always good.
Nikki Kinzer:
Love it.
Pete Wright:
It wasn't raining. That set me up for a good-
Nikki Kinzer:
A good day. Yeah.
Pete Wright:
There have been two tasks that I have been struggling with that have been clogging tasks. Number one is writing a blog post about a new feature in Todoist, an experimental feature that we've been talking about for a while, and I wrote that post. The second is to write my reflections piece, believe it or not, months late for my own website about Unapologetically ADHD, about the book that we wrote together. So far, we've put all of that stuff on TakeControlADHD.com. I've never written anything on ItsMePete.com, and I wanted to finally write that piece. I haven't published it yet, but it's done. I'm very excited because it's been that thing that I've really been stuck on. It's possible, besides this podcast, that's all I've got for today.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, that's okay.
Pete Wright:
But that feels good.
Nikki Kinzer:
But look at what you just did, you dismissed it.
Pete Wright:
Oh, I did. I totally did. God, I hate getting caught.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, you just got caught, my friend. We're celebrating what you've done. You know what I've done? I got up and I wasn't late and I'm here. That's all I've done is I got up ready for the day and I went straight into my office and here I am. See, I'm going to do it. I haven't done anything productive. No, but that's not true. I'm up. I'm ready for my day. That's a success.
Pete Wright:
That is a success.
Nikki Kinzer:
So it's training your brain to stop and pause for a moment and not dismiss everything.
Pete Wright:
Man, how quickly, how habitually that happens. I've been thinking about ADHD and my reaction to it for 25 years, and it still sneaks up around the corner.
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, it still sneaks up. So that's really where the... We dismiss the good way too fast. So now we need to pause for enough time to really recognize that no, Pete got some really great stuff done today, and I'm ready for my day today. I'm ready to jump in. So we have to really recognize and know that what we are doing matters. It's not about everything. It's what we're doing that matters. Okay. ADHDers are their worst critics. So to flip that, we need to know it's okay to ask for help and we need to advocate for what we need. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means that the people around you need to be more flexible. They need to change. How about that?
Pete Wright:
Oh, I like that. Insofar, as I like the spirit of it, I also recognize how hard it is to wait for other people to change.
Nikki Kinzer:
Right. You know what, that's not exactly what I am asking because you're right, we're not going to have control over other people changing, but the thought is-
Pete Wright:
But it usually recognize we don't have to take responsibility for somebody else not changing.
Nikki Kinzer:
You don't have to take the blame, which is the next thing that just because you feel like someone is irritated with you because you talk too much, okay, well, they need to be... Think about it as they probably need to have some help with their patience, whatever. You don't necessarily have to take the blame right away. So that's what we're looking for is that it goes back to when I told my daughter a long time ago that she was talking too loud and she said, "You're talking too quiet."
Pete Wright:
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Nikki Kinzer:
I'm like, "Yeah. Okay. Fair enough."
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, it is just a different way of thinking taking the blame when no blame is to be had, so treating yourself the way you treat someone you love, and we're using the same language. So you wouldn't automatically blame someone for something, and so why are you automatically blaming yourself for the same thing? You wouldn't tell your best friend, "Oh, well, this is your fault." You wouldn't say that, but yet you can say that to yourself. So we are practicing compassion, self-compassion, and pausing enough to be able to say, "Wait a minute, what's the truth here? What's really going on?" and protecting yourself, protecting your piece. So resetting that automatic this is my fault button. We want to be more curious and look for more information before making assumptions because we don't know what may be true and more likely than not, they're not true.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Somebody asked a question the other day that I thought was really interesting. I think I found it on Bluesky. That was what percentage of what people tell themselves or what people say do you think they believe, deep in their heart believe?
Nikki Kinzer:
Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a good question.
Pete Wright:
That's a thoughtful question around what do I believe? When you personalize it and think, "What do I believe about myself? What percentage of what I say do I actually believe about myself?" With ADHD, that answer is pretty low because I come to you and say, "Well, I accomplished something and it's really great." Do I really believe that? I think that's part of taking ownership of your identity in all of the blessings and the things that you're frustrated with and being able to see it all. It's hard to do to raise that percentage.
Nikki Kinzer:
All of this is hard to do, for sure.
Pete Wright:
Right.
Nikki Kinzer:
So when we talk about the expectations are being too high, lowering your expectations does not mean that you don't care. It doesn't mean that you're lazy. It doesn't mean that you are expecting less from yourself or your work ethic is low, none of that. It doesn't mean any of that. Your expectations were too high for anyone. So you being more realistic with your time and taking care of your mental health should be your... I'm going to say should here, even though I hate that word, but we want it to be your number one priority. So if you can feel better by focusing on again what is being done and not beat yourself up for the expectations that weren't realistic anyway, that's going to be better for your mental health. That's going to be better for lowering your stress and anxiety, but it's getting comfortable with that, which is the hard part. The limiting beliefs, this I learned from one of our past guests from a long time ago when we talked about the adult chair. Remember that a long time ago?
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Michelle Chalfant.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Thanking the limiting beliefs for being there, acknowledging that they're there, they're there to protect us from harm or from hurt, but then we can just politely ask them to leave. We've got this. Thanks for showing up, but it's all right.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, make that a practice, right?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah. Yeah, because they're going to still show up.
Pete Wright:
Yep. Yep.
Nikki Kinzer:
Perfectionism, I like the same progress over perfection always. That's what we're looking for is progress, whatever that is. Doesn't have to be big. It can be small. It can be visiting the task.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Moving something, moving the ball down the field.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, for sure. Then when we're talking about the last three points of ADHD is not a character fault, it's not your fault and it is real, I think ADHD is something that you come to terms with. It's something you have, but it's not who you are. You're not a bad person. You embrace it. You accept it. None of it is easy, but certainly you get to live that life that you want to live whatever that looks like for you and having that be part of who you are, but it's not who you are in the sense of who you are as a person. You can be kind, you can be compassionate, and you can still be five minutes late.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Right. The end of the world is not nigh.
Nikki Kinzer:
No.
Pete Wright:
It's okay.
Nikki Kinzer:
If you lose your keys for the 100th million time, it's okay. You're still a good dad. You're still a good partner. You're still whatever. So that never happens in my home, so that's why I immediately went to you're still a good dad. Wink, wink, Brad Kinzer, wink, wink. Love you, honey.
Pete Wright:
Well, so I was thinking about some of the things that we talk about with ADHD as the challenges like you said. Some of the bookmark items of ADHD, hyperfocus, right? Hyperfocus is a true double-edged sword, right? It can be or it is sometimes channeled into bursts of intense concentration to accomplish a goal, but most of the time when we talk about it, we talk about it as this sort of unmetered, unregulated engine, right? It's just when it happens, it happens and it's out of your control.
But if you do take a step back and say, "Look, I can channel my focus into something that leads to bursts of intense concentration," I can make a practice of thinking and being really thoughtful about my hyperfocus. When it does work, it's a thing worth celebrating. Sometimes it's worth celebrating. It's a thing I can do that a lot of people can't. They can't sit there that long and just get something done. I know it doesn't always work. I know sometimes it might work against me, but when it does work, I want to be ready to say thank you. I want to be ready to say thank you to it.
Nikki Kinzer:
I love that.
Pete Wright:
Same thing with creativity and innovation, right? When you're growing up with ADHD, you're distracted. You are not on task. Whatever you're doing, you're doodling, you're talking in class, whatever. But frankly, as an adult, that sort of thinking is exactly what you want to harness and be grateful for, that you're... It's not distraction. It is out-of-the-box thinking. It's making connections that others haven't made yet. It's being ready to write something great or create something fantastic because that is new and novel, and I think it's important to be thankful for that, that just because your house is a mess doesn't mean you don't have to be grateful for whatever creative burst got it there. Be ready for that.
Same thing with adaptability, right? We have to be resilient and adaptable, and we talk about it like it is a curse, right? We have to adjust ourselves to a neuronormative world. I would support saying, "Look, I can adapt to a neuronormative world." I have years and years of practice trying to change, adapting to new situations and being resilient in ways that many of my peers and colleagues have not had to do except here, which is everyone has had to do that, but do you get my point?
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
The idea is I have practiced doing a thing that's hard. It's time for me to turn around and say, "Look, I have a skill in doing a thing that's hard."
Nikki Kinzer:
Absolutely.
Pete Wright:
When I find something that I love, I am deeply passionate and enthusiastic about it, and I want to scream it from the rooftops. I was once called a magnifier or amplifier of enthusiasm by a friend of mine in my fandom. It is a thing that we have in spades. When we love a thing, we can be infectious about it, and that's not terrible.
Nikki Kinzer:
No.
Pete Wright:
It's not terrible to be a booster, whether it's a band or a movie or a podcast. It's not a bad thing to share it with the world and be excited. It's not a thing to be ashamed. Research is out on a direct connection, but I'll tell you based on my rigorous empirical research that I feel like the people with ADHD have a heightened sense of empathy and intuition. What do we need more than empathy and intuition right now, right? People who see the humanity in others, even when they can't see it in themselves, that's something we've got, right? We've got that in spades.
Nikki Kinzer:
I love that. Yeah.
Pete Wright:
I think it's worth celebrating that stuff. That's my list.
Nikki Kinzer:
I love it.
Pete Wright:
That's top five of things that just feel right when we turn it around.
Nikki Kinzer:
Mm-hmm. That's great. That's great. So have a little bit of an exercise for people if they're willing to try it. At the end of the day, write your done list. This is not a new concept, but it may surprise you if you actually do it because you'll notice and you'll see everything that you are doing, and it is a real nice reminder that you are doing some great things in the world, for yourself, for friends, family, whatever it might be, for you, walking the dog. Your dog is going to be appreciative of that. Yes, all of those things.
Pete Wright:
My carpet, because he's not going to doo-doo on it.
Nikki Kinzer:
Well, yeah, we hope not.
Pete Wright:
See what I did there? That's right, we have do do.
Nikki Kinzer:
I do see what you did there. Yeah.
Pete Wright:
I do did that.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's all good. It's all good. Absolutely. Oh, and I know one of the things I was going to add too about this done list is that nothing is too small and resting counts.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, resting. I'll add eating, resting.
Nikki Kinzer:
Eating.
Pete Wright:
Feeding yourself, taking care of yourself, all of that counts.
Nikki Kinzer:
Downtime, all of that counts.
Pete Wright:
Do you know what I got in the mail? I got a revitalizing eye mask, and I'm going to say the doTERRA revitalizing eye mask that you got in the mail counts.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yes.
Pete Wright:
That's on the list.
Nikki Kinzer:
You're going to use it and then you're going to come on the show and you're going to have little eye-
Pete Wright:
My eyes are going to look so young.
Nikki Kinzer:
Yeah, exactly. Or you're going to come on the show with the eye mask.
Pete Wright:
Or a horrific allergy. Well, I hope that it's not the case.
Nikki Kinzer:
It's all red and puffy, but hopefully that's not the case.
Pete Wright:
It all counts. It all counts.
Nikki Kinzer:
Good stuff.
Pete Wright:
That's it. Happy day, everybody. Go out and get some stuff done no matter how small and feel good about it and hope you feel like there's something inspirational about just going through the process. We sure appreciate you and all that you do do to download and listen to this show. Thanks for your time and your attention. Don't forget if you have something to contribute to the conversation, we're heading over to the Show Talk channel in the Discord server, and you can join us right there by becoming a supporting member at the deluxe level or better. On behalf of Nikki Kinzer, I'm Pete Wright and we'll see you right back here next week on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast.
