The Truth About Lying and ADHD

Have you ever played the game "Two Truths and a Lie”?

If you’re unfamiliar, the concept of the game is quite simple. The game is normally used as a ice breaker within a group of people. Each person is given the opportunity to share 3 facts about themself. The catch is: two of those facts are true, and the third fact is a straight up lie. The goal of the other players is to guess which of the three facts is false.

Pete and I have played the game a few different times with our Supreme and Platinum Patreon supporters during our monthly get together, Happy Hour with Nikki and Pete. It’s a great way to meet new people and it’s a lot of fun to see the lies others can come up with!

Surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly), lying is a very common, yet overlooked, symptom of ADHD. It’s not fun and it doesn’t bring people together.

While doing my research on this topic, a lot of the articles on ADHD and lying focus on children.

It’s possible this is because the parents and teachers who are often the ones lied to by kids, are speaking out about it.

In fact, Pete and I sat down with Dr. Norrine Russell of Russell Coaching to discuss the reasons why children with ADHD lie on a recent episode of Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast.

Dr. Russell shared with us that lying, as a symptom of ADHD, is a coping mechanism due to a lack of frontal lobe development in the brain where we store our ability to perform executive functions.

The act of lying should be seen as a symptom of ADHD and not a negative character flaw.

Looking at lying and ADHD through a more scientific and diagnostic lens made a lot of sense.

That got me thinking about adult ADHDers and lying. Is it just as common as it is with the kiddos?

After a little more research, it seems that answer was a resounding “yes”.

Everywhere I looked, there were adults sharing their reasons for lying in their daily life.

Here are a few of the most popular reasons for fibbing from adults with ADHD:

• It costs less energy

  Telling a lie or bending the truth can be a lot easier than processing your thoughts and feelings and creating a composed response.

• It’s a defense mechanism

  Many ADHDers have experienced years, if not decades, of negative reinforcement from behaviors caused by the symptoms of ADHD. After hearing things like “lazy”, “unmotivated”, or “disappointing”, day after day, it makes sense to want to protect yourself.

• It’s more interesting

  For people who are easily bored, the truth doesn’t always cut it in creating dopamine. Concocting a more elaborate lie may activate the part of the brain craving stimulation.

• You’re unaware of the truth

  This idea speaks often to adults living with undiagnosed ADHD. When you move through each day, constantly stumbling and unsure of the cause, many people will start creating false truths about themselves and their perceived failures.

How do you uncover the truth?

Just because lying is a symptom of ADHD and may currently be a common practice in your daily life, it does not mean you’re doomed to repeat the behavior forever.

Remember: chronic lateness, poor planning, and impulsivity are all symptoms of ADHD too. If you’ve been following Take Control ADHD for any length of time, you know it’s possible to practice and learn strategies to overcome those things too.

The same goes with lying and stretching the truth.

The key to unlocking the truth is to uncover the reason you lie, whether it’s lying to yourself or others.

Just like any habit, this takes practice. Many people find they lie so often, it’s become second nature to them.

The goal is to practice mindfulness. Be aware of what you’re saying and when you’re saying it.

When you find yourself telling a lie, ask yourself “why?”. Why do you feel the need to lie? What emotions are you feeling in the moment? What outcome do you expect if you lie? How about if you tell the truth?

Evaluate your responses and see if you can get to the root of the issue.

Why does it matter?

I feel like I can hear some of you asking, “Why does it matter if I lie, Nikki? It’s not hurting anybody.”

Well, I’m here to tell you, dear reader, that it does hurt.

First, lying to those around you destroys trust.

When your secrets are found out, the people you lie to lose faith and trust in you.

If it’s a lie at work, you may find you lose a promotion because your boss can’t trust you to get the work done. Friends and family may distance themselves from you if they don’t feel you’re being honest with them.

Even when the lie doesn’t affect a single person around you, you are still personally affected.

Telling yourself lies is just as hurtful as telling lies to someone else.

Allowing yourself to believe something false doesn’t allow you to grow. Your life becomes stagnant as you continue to tell yourself you’re doing fine, even if you’re not.

These lies can be damaging if you constantly tell yourself you’re not good enough or you’re a failure (I don’t even know what you did and I can tell you what you’re telling yourself is false).

It can be scary to tell someone the truth. They say “the truth hurts” and that can definitely be the case. However, there is so much potential in honesty.

Growth, connection, building relationships, and increased self-esteem can all be benefits of living honestly.

It seems to be true what they say:

The truth will set you free!

Thank you for your time and attention,

-Nikki

Want to hear more on the the topic of ADHD and Lying?

There’s an ep for that!

Ep 2501: You CAN Handle the Truth! Lying & ADHD with Dr. Norrine Russell

Ep 426: Lies and ADHD with Ari Tuckman

Dr. Russell just had her first book published! Take a look!

Asking the Right Questions about ADHD Before, During, and After Your Child’s Diagnosis