Find Your Own Wind: Fuel Your Motivation through Emotion
Emotional planning sounds like one of those concepts you think you already understand — until you realize it has nothing to do with mood journaling, crystal grids, or color-coding your feelings. What Nikki brings forward in this conversation is something far more practical: the idea that ADHD motivation doesn’t start with logic. It starts with emotion. And if we learn to work with that reality instead of trying to muscle our way through it, the whole experience of getting things done changes.
This episode was sparked by a discussion inside GPS, where members were reflecting on our earlier conversation with financial coach Nicole Stanley. Nicole talked about how emotionally meaningful goals are the ones we actually stick with — even when motivation falters. That hit a nerve. If emotional meaning helps us save money, why can’t it help us take out the trash, send the email, or finally make that dreaded insurance phone call?
From there, Nikki pulls the curtain back on the truth most ADHDers already know in their bones: motivation isn’t something you summon by force. You can’t shame yourself into momentum. You can’t logic your way into action. And no amount of telling yourself you “should just do it” will magically conjure wind in your sails.
We talk instead about how to invite motivation in: through novelty, stimulation, environment shifts, sensory comfort, short timers, playful challenges, and co-working with others who get it. We look closely at body doubling — not as a trend, but as an ADHD-power-tool that reliably flips the activation switch for so many of us. We explore how accountability creates connection, how structure eases initiation, and how changing a setting (or a soundtrack… or even a pen) can lighten the emotional load of tasks we avoid.
And finally, we dig into the heart of emotional planning: identifying meaning in the task itself. Not fake meaning, not “I should care about this,” but real alignment — who benefits, what value the task honors, and how it makes life easier for future you. By the time Pete unexpectedly processes his own insurance-related avoidance live on the show, emotional planning has become more than a coaching tool. It’s a reframing — one that reminds us that motivation isn’t a moral quality; it’s a relationship between emotion and action.
If you’ve been stuck, stalled, circling a task like it’s a shark in shallow water, this episode gives you both language and strategy to step toward it with less dread. It’s not about forcing motivation. It’s about building the conditions where motivation has an easier time finding you.
Links & Notes
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Pete Wright
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Taking Control, the ADHD podcast on TruStory FM. I'm Pete Wright, and I'm here with Nikki Kinzur. Hello, Nikki Kinzur.
Nikki Kinzer
Hello, everyone. Hello, Pete Wright.
Pete Wright
We are we're kicking off a show today about emotional planning and I feel a little bit like this is a s spin-off of our tolerations episode magnified by conversations you've been having and we're gonna talk about but it's not emotional plan you're gonna think
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, right.
Pete Wright
That emotional planning means a thing, but it doesn't mean that thing. Uh and so I want you to hang on to that, hang on to that feeling. that you think you know what you know when really you don't. Oh, this is gonna be great.
Nikki Kinzer
Scrum
Pete Wright
Today uh we are talking about emotional planning and uh you know It's gonna be a fantastic conversation, but before we actually dig in, head over to take controladh. com to get to know us a little bit better. You can listen to the show right there on the site. or subscribe to our mailing list to get a new episode delivered to you s each week. You can find us on Facebook or Instagram or Blue Sky or Pinterest at take control ADHD. The best way to connect with us is in the ADHD Discord community. It's a vibrant, supportive space full of people who get what life is like. with ADHD. They share wins and struggles and strategies and and a lot of laughs and love along the way. Join us anytime at take control ADHD. com slash Discord. And here is a great truth. If you are joining us for the first time, where have you been? Welcome. Water's warm. This show exists because of our listeners, you, managed by Patreon. Now, Patreon isn't a tip jar. It is the reason we're able to keep showing up every week. Your support pays for the time, the tools, and creative energy that go into every single episode. If this show has helped you feel more seen and more capable or just a little less alone, we're asking you to become a part of the team that makes this possible. You can join us at patreon. com slash the ADHD podcast. And help us keep building together. Along the way, you get double secret and triple secret uh uh channels in our Discord server. You get access to the live stream recordings as we're here doing them. You can jump in and talk with us during the live streams and ask us questions. We love that kind of participation. And we love all of you for being a part of this community. All right, Nikki, emotional planning. Using how we feel to fuel what we get done.
Nikki Kinzer
Mm, that sounds so good.
Pete Wright
Alright, where did this where did this come from?
Nikki Kinzer
Well, uh the topic came from a GPS discussion. So GPS is our planning membership uh that we have at Take Control ADHD. And uh they were talking amongst themselves after they were done with their planning, of course. Uh That people were inspired by our conversation that we had with Nicole Stanley. Remember her when we were talking to her about financial planning and financial or just finances and ADHD and One of the things that she talked about was that when the goals are emotionally meaningful, then you know you're more connected to your values, your self-respect, your care, your future self. So you're more likely to follow through. um even when the motivation dips. And so that was kind of in the financial piece of it. Like if you really want you're saving for something and you know that that has a high meaning to you, you're going to be more likely to keep saving for it, right? There's that emotional connection. So the question in GPS was like, well, how can we do something similar with our tasks? Because There's a lot of emotion that comes up around tasks and getting things done and how we feel about those things, right? We've talked about avoidance before, procrastination, all of the things that ADHDs all, you know, know all too well, right?
Pete Wright
For sure.
Nikki Kinzer
Uh and so I decided to do a workshop on this for our GPS membership. And uh Melissa actually said, you know what, I think this would be a great podcast show because it is definitely something that people can relate to. And when I started doing the workshop, the first thing that I really wanted to talk about was the reality of ADHD and motivation. Because I think that that's a that's a key point in understanding what's happening because you can't necessarily just wake up and all of a sudden want to do that icky task.
Pete Wright
Because I think that would Yeah, right, right.
Nikki Kinzer
Right? Like there is emotion around it. Um, and uh the I can see you're gonna say something.
Pete Wright
Nikki, I can't I'm on the edge of my damn seat.
Nikki Kinzer
I can see it. Go ahead and say it.
Pete Wright
I talked in the entertainment clutch this morning about my new favorite show, which is actually a really old show called Black Sales. Nikki, we are all pirate ships. There are s like you sometimes you just can't sail because there's no wind. That's the thing. They just sit for three weeks in the middle of the ocean and bake Because there's no wind. And sometimes I feel like that with my ADHD. I am in the middle of the sea and there is no wind.
Nikki Kinzer
No wind
Pete Wright
I have to do the things that I can do with no wind. And and sometimes when the wind picks up, I gotta lean in hard, hard, hard.
Nikki Kinzer
Yes, and it is hard.
Pete Wright
Okay, that's it. Yes.
Nikki Kinzer
Yes, and I love that you can, you know, put that in a picture of us as pirates.
Pete Wright
We are pirates.
Nikki Kinzer
That is great. Yes.
Pete Wright
Oh, my God.
Nikki Kinzer
Uh, because what happens is I get asked, and and this is the question that is asked, how do I motivate myself to do X? And it is the wrong question to ask because motivation is so tricky with ADHD. And we, you know, we have to go back to what ADHD is, initiation, uh, initiating tasks, getting started on things. is an executive function uh that ADHD brains struggle with struggle with, right? Like along with emotional regulation. So you've got These two pieces that are really difficult for you anyway, and then you know, you've got some feelings around what what you're avoiding.
Pete Wright
A room is like what you're avoiding.
Nikki Kinzer
So of course these areas are gonna to c you know the ADHD is gonna cause that kind of friction. So what's important though is that what's been told and we need to repeat over and over again that this is not about laziness, this is not about lack of willpower, or that you just don't care. Right. Um It is about your brain needing some extra kind of activation energy to cross that starting line, or in this case.
Pete Wright
It is about
Nikki Kinzer
Get the boat moving a little bit. Right?
Pete Wright
Wind. Get some wind.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah. Yeah.
Pete Wright
And there are and there are people, I think we talk about it.
Nikki Kinzer
We need to
Pete Wright
Like the people who say it's laziness and it's um you know, willpower and it's those things, those are people who don't live with ADHD, right? Like
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
They they they can muster their own wind, if I may keep it in in my pirate vernacular.
Nikki Kinzer
Right, right. Absolutely.
Pete Wright
And that's really that's a really important thing to recognize, that this is one of the areas where we're just Different and it's okay.
Nikki Kinzer
You're different It's okay. And it's also something that we want to normalize that you need some kind of extra external motivation Is not failure. Like that is okay that, you know, I need a deadline.
Pete Wright
Yeah. Yes.
Nikki Kinzer
Yes, you do. You need some structure. Absolutely. You need to be accountable to somebody else. Yes, absolutely, because it's not enough just to be on your own. And that is not failure. It's information.
Pete Wright
Yeah. It's that feeling when I can stare at the wall knowing I have to write an email for 45 minutes and nothing comes out, and the second someone comes in the room, I can write like Hemingway.
Nikki Kinzer
Yes, yes
Pete Wright
Right. You just need something.
Nikki Kinzer
Or you tell somebody, you just tell someone, I'm gonna do this, and all of a sudden it opens up, you know, yes, what and so what we want to look at is that this is information, this is something that
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
um you can learn more about yourself on how do I find that that traction to get started. And, you know, motivation is emotional. It's not logical because we are human beings. We do have feelings. We have lots of feelings. We can't shame ourselves into getting started. And I think that that's a default sometimes for so many ADHDers is that I sh
Pete Wright
I was gonna say, we can try.
Nikki Kinzer
Oh, we can try and like, oh, I should have done it then, or I should do this, or I didn't do that. Like, we can shame ourselves all day long. uh but it you know it it's not helping and with ADHD motivation doesn't live in logic it lives in emotion so when a task doesn't feel urgent it's not emotionally engaging it doesn't light you up in some way you know, you're not gonna feel like it's that important um because it doesn't feel real yet. It doesn't feel that pressure yet.
Pete Wright
We've got priority.
Nikki Kinzer
So the shift that we want to talk about when we're when we're talking about emotional planning is instead of asking like how do I motive vote how do I motivate myself to do X, we want to ask ourselves what kind of support Will flip that activation switch for me. And how can I build that in earlier so that I'm not necessarily waiting and doing the all-nighter And maybe I'm getting it done with the deadline, but I'm doing it with a lot of stress and pressure and and unhealthy habits, right?
Pete Wright
Right. Well, and that's that's hugely important, I think, because the the reflection that I that I have on this is is not like Okay, so the first thing I need to do is have an accountability buddy, and then I need to have a coffee shop on deck, and then I need to have all the things that we've talked about, headphones, which are all great. But they're not great for everybody. For some people, you might need something completely different. The muscle that we're trying to build is just to to figure out, to discern and document what are the strategies that work for you? What is your wind. What is your wind to help you trigger the feelings that you need to feel to be able to get the work done?
Nikki Kinzer
And I'm going to say don't necessarily believe what you're telling yourself.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
And what I mean by that is that I will suggest something to someone. And I'll say, hey, have you gone like where do you do your best work? Well, I definitely do it better if I'm not out, you know, I need to be out of the house. I need to go to the coffee shop. Okay, so when was the last time you did that? Silence.
Pete Wright
Yeah, right.
Nikki Kinzer
Okay, so let's play let's let's let's try that.
Pete Wright
Okay. So try that. Let's try that.
Nikki Kinzer
Like let's you know that that works So let's plan to make that happen so that tomorrow you're not staying at home. You're actually going to intentionally plan that you're going to the coffee shop.
Pete Wright
That you're going to the coffee shop.
Nikki Kinzer
Or I'll hear, well, it used to work, but then now it doesn't work because I get distracted and I'm looking at all the coffees or whatever, right? Like I'm looking at all the things that are in the the coffee shop. Okay. But it did used to work. So don't believe that it doesn't work anymore either. Let's try it again. Because you never know.
Pete Wright
You never know.
Nikki Kinzer
Maybe it does.
Pete Wright
Maybe.
Nikki Kinzer
Or the Pomodoros never work for me Uh, well, okay, maybe they weren't maybe it's not the right timing. Can we switch it up a little bit?
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Like, don't just believe automatically that something doesn't work or that it it you know has lost its
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
power in some way.
Pete Wright
Right, because it frankly, maybe it didn't work before. But one of the things that we know is that change is important for us.
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
Right.
Nikki Kinzer
Right.
Pete Wright
We need to change things up all the time because that's what allows us to see around the next new shiny corner and and move it. Is that, you know, and I I've said for years, I think we can go back in the transcripts and and that my most effective time of day is in the late afternoon evening. But I've never had control of that time in my home, right?
Nikki Kinzer
Right, yeah.
Pete Wright
I've never had that because there was always driving to some practice or another or, you know, dealing with with kid drop offs. Now they're gone. And I'm finding my life is changing in some really dramatic ways because I can take I I can wake up, I can do some podcasts in the morning, I can take a longer lunch and right around two or three o'clock I can dig in and my wife and I will eat late. We can eat at seven, right? We can eat when the next when this when the
Nikki Kinzer
Mm-hmm.
Pete Wright
the the when the wind is gone again, right? But we don't have to dig in to my most productive time, creative time. w when it's when it comes quite naturally. That it it takes time to learn that and to massage your life into a way sometimes it's just not possible. It has been a struggle for decades and now it's not anymore and I'm loving it. But that's not to say that it's easy.
Nikki Kinzer
We are going to talk about some ways to bring interest and connection and meaning to your tasks. And one of the things that I want us to to set the tone or the mindset is that we're not trying to force motivation. We're trying to invite it in. And that's just so nice. Right? Like it's so nice to invite it rather than like forcing it and trying to make yourself do something that you don't want to do. So a lot of these things you guys are not going to be surprised. Like you've heard them before, but I think it's worth repeating and it's again worth trying out some new things, trying some things that you've tried before but forgot about. Like that happens a lot too, right? Um and so if you're stuck right now, if there's something If you have, in fact, this is what I want the listeners to do, and this is what I did in the workshop, is I want you to think about a task that you're avoiding. And I want you to think about How hold that space as we're talking about these things that you can do to bring interest, connection, and meaning. And then do that task today. with some of these new strategies.
Pete Wright
With Yeah, yes.
Nikki Kinzer
Figure out how to how to tackle it.
Pete Wright
Figure out how to how to
Nikki Kinzer
And it may not complete the task, but let's get started on it.
Pete Wright
You were so wound up just now I thought you were gonna throw yourself out of your own chair.
Nikki Kinzer
Right?
Pete Wright
Like you just it felt you were you were a real tigger on that line on that line.
Nikki Kinzer
Like, let's do it.
Pete Wright
You do that task today.
Nikki Kinzer
Let's do it together.
Pete Wright
Yeah, that was good.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, we are there to help you do it. So let's get that toleration.
Pete Wright
Yes.
Nikki Kinzer
Checked off yes.
Pete Wright
Okay. Good I have one.
Nikki Kinzer
Okay.
Pete Wright
I have one in mind. Let's help me get through it.
Nikki Kinzer
Let's help you get through it. That's right. So uh first one that we want to talk about is creating interest through novelty or stimulation. Oh, this is what your brain needs, right? We need that um something new, something different. So how do you change the task that you don't want to do? How can you add some novelty to it? Well you can, this is one of my favorite things, set a short timer and make it a competition. Uh this is how I clean the house, folks. I set the timer for 10 minutes and I I figure out how what can I get done in 10 minutes. And it always surprises me that I can do my dishes in less than five. I always feel like it's gonna take an hour. Um, but to unload the dishwasher really takes like minutes. Like few minutes, but it feels like it's gonna take forever. But that's how it like I gamify it, right? It makes it more fun. Uh change your environment. We just talked about this. If you don't do well working at home or doing, you know, if it if the task is work-related, then let's get it out of the environment you're in, whether you work from home or if you work in an office and you want to go to a cafe, let's move to that cafe. uh co-working with someone. Uh and we're gonna talk about accountability, but body doubling is one of my very favorite strategies when it comes to doing hard things. Um, because you've got that person who is anchoring you, they're supporting you, they know that you're doing a hard thing. Uh, and there's just something about that that's magic. So I definitely believe like that co-working with people can make it. big difference. Focus music, we had br the brain fm um scientists here recently, like that can make a huge difference. If you haven't tried that, try it. Um, and then add those sensory elements, you know, give yourself a cozy drink, buy yourself a new pen. I have lots of people in our GPS membership who love stationary and pens and stickers and like you know bring that into it. Um I talked about bringing a candle into my office But all of those women that are like 45 plus are gonna understand it made me really hot and I had to take the candle out of the office
Pete Wright
That's not where I expected it to go, but I should have.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, I'm like I can't handle this.
Pete Wright
I it's so f I've I I don't know if I've mentioned this, but uh I love prints.
Nikki Kinzer
It's way too hot in here now
Pete Wright
And that was one of the things that I got out of my tour of Paisley Park was like prints had candles everywhere. broad daylight in the studio w it just every surface speakers control decks m mic beds everything had candles all over the place and he would work by candlelight and I and turn off all the all the main lights. I ca I low key love that. I like I think that's really cool. I don't have enough candles, but it makes me think I need to explore some candles. I'm not plagued with the uh I get hot part.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah, you don't get the hot flashes, though
Pete Wright
So maybe candles are for me. Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Uh so it might work, you know, for some of you.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
Um so yeah, anything that just kind of creates some interest
Pete Wright
Uh
Nikki Kinzer
interest, right? Just to make it a little bit shinier. Um the connection, building connection through accountability and body doubling. I want to just talk a little bit more about that because we do a lot of that in our membership, but also in our community. Right. If you are part of Discord and in the take control ADHD podcast community, we have accountability anchor sessions. We have hosted sessions that we do and they make such a big difference because you're working with a group of ADHDers who are all doing hard things. And you can check in, you know, before you start with your work session, tell people what you're working on. You can update them at the end. There's just so much value in that. And I highly recommend that if you've not tried this before to try it. Um and It makes a difference too when you just and we've talked about this. I know I feel like I'm just repeating myself over and over again, but it it's just such important information. That you put it out in the universe and it's all of a sudden it's like, okay, I've got that little motivator to actually do it, to, to, to get it done and and celebrate that. Um The the last thing that I want to talk about is the emotional piece and the alignment around bringing meaning into what the task is at hand. Now, this isn't going to be um Well, it can be relevant to to any piece. It could be work related, home related, personal related. Um, because I was thinking about how do the dishes like how do I personally put meaning to the dishes? Well It is nice to have a clean sink, right? It it does feel good to not see that.
Pete Wright
Yeah, good.
Nikki Kinzer
It does, it is less clutter. So when you're looking at even though the emotional piece is I don't want to do this. I know that the benefit is it's gonna look nicer. I'm gonna feel better. I'm not gonna have that hanging over my head. You know, all of those things. So we want to think about who and what benefits from me doing this. What value of yours does this connect to? Um, and again, how does this make life easier for future you? And, you know, Sunday night when we've had a big dinner and I don't want to do the dishes, I know that Monday morning when I'm waking up for my, you know, work week. it's going to be nice to have those dishes be done. So I have to think about that future you. So if you can connect a task to something that really matters to you emotionally uh your brain doesn't just see it as work. It sees meaning, sees more meaning into it. And that's what Nicole was saying all along, right? When she was talking about how do you bring meaning to your financial goals. Because then all of a sudden it's like, okay, it's not just a task, but this actually, you know, does hold some value that maybe I'm not paying attention to right away, but I am now.
Pete Wright
It's I I have this phone call I have to make. It's a phone call to the insurance company. And I don't want to do it. I don't like talking to the insurance adjuster. I find all kinds of ways to mysteriously forget that I have to do it. Uh but but this is a reminder. This is a really good reminder for me, even as somebody who thinks about my tasks very deeply a lot. Uh this is a clogging task and Who or what benefits from me doing this besides me moving this thing forward? My wife. Like I know she really, really wants me to make this call. And I'm the one equipped with the information and the time to do it. And the value I like living in a home that is not foundationally broken and that is safe and that is clean and that is dry.
Nikki Kinzer
Right
Pete Wright
And uh I know that making this call will move us. further toward getting the things that are broken fixed. How does this make my life easier for Future Me? When it is when my house is broken, it is at risk. It is at risk for uh critters to get into the sub basement, it is at risk for flooding, it is at risk for all kinds of these sorts of things that are damaging. And move just making a simple phone call to move this thing forward gets me closer to future me not having to think about those kinds of Ingress. And I gotta I I this is a this is a that's like a mantra. I need to be thinking about that because that's gonna kick me into making this phone call when we're done with this podcast. Just get it out of the way.
Nikki Kinzer
And that's exactly it. I was gonna say, like we should make that phone call right now.
Pete Wright
Yeah, right. Right I don't know that he would appreciate it our adjuster.
Nikki Kinzer
And you can do it on air. But that's the
Pete Wright
I don't think I don't think he would think that was fun.
Nikki Kinzer
No, but like think about it. If it was just you and me having this conversation and I said, hey Pete, you know what? Put put me on mute. And make that phone call right now. And I'm just going to be doing some work on the side here. And when you're done with that phone call, let me know how it goes. I bet you are more likely to do it in that moment. Because I have opened up that space for you to do it and I'm doing it along with you. Although I'm not. I'm actually working on something else.
Pete Wright
Yeah, for sure.
Nikki Kinzer
There's magic to that, just saying it and doing it and and having that person around. So I definitely um I'm gonna follow up on you.
Pete Wright
Yeah.
Nikki Kinzer
with you about this and see if you did it. But this I want to go back to our listeners and again think about that one thing that's been on your mind and uh what is something that you can design. you know, from some of our ideas or some of the things that you've done in the past to uh to help you get started or even check it off, I think would be great. Um, how can you set up your future you again to to not have to rely on so much panic and last-minute pressure?
Pete Wright
Yeah. Because you know who we're who we're relying on when we're not when we're letting ourselves not do it. We're relying on past us. Like the past us that is that is throwing a fit. Because I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna eat my broccoli. I don't wanna eat the asparagus. It's too goo Like thud we're we're having a a fit. And that's okay. We can have fits, but that doesn't move us forward. And so sometimes you get have to have your fit and figure out the like reframe around future you and not past you.
Nikki Kinzer
Right, right.
Pete Wright
Yeah, I like that. That's helpful.
Nikki Kinzer
There you go.
Pete Wright
Is that it? Is that it?
Nikki Kinzer
That's it.
Pete Wright
Did we win the podcast? Look, we did it.
Nikki Kinzer
We did it.
Pete Wright
We thought we thought it was gonna be hard, but we we did it. We muscled through, and now we have a podcast.
Nikki Kinzer
Yeah. We have a podcast.
Pete Wright
Wait, did I press record? Psych? I did. I did.
Nikki Kinzer
Oh my gosh.
Pete Wright
I did, but look at your face. I it was the best. I'll take that face any day.
Nikki Kinzer
If you did it, I would be like, nope, we're rescheduling. We're not doing this again.
Pete Wright
Amazing. Thank you so much everybody for hanging out with us, for downloading and listening to this show. We appreciate your time and your attention. Don't forget if you have something to contribute to the conversation, we're heading over to the Show Talk channel in our Discord server. You can join us right there by becoming a supporting member at the Deluxe Level or better. On behalf of Nikki Kinzer, I'm Pete Wright, and we'll see you right back here next week on Taking Control, the ADHD podcast.
