Tear Down the Walls
“You can get with this, or you can get with that.”
You may remember hearing this catchy, musical phrase a couple years ago, playing on repeat during a popular car commercial featuring a few hip hop hamsters bobbing their heads to the music while they take a leisurely drive through the city.
I bet you’re wondering what hamsters bee-bopping in a cool new ride has to do with ADHD. Well, “this or that” is a classic example of all-or-nothing thinking.
What’s that?
All-or-nothing thinking is actually a form of cognitive distortion. I found a great explanation of this on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy of LA’s website:
A cognitive distortion is an assumption we make based on minimal evidence, or without considering the evidence. There are numerous kinds of cognitive distortions, and all-or-nothing thinking is one of the most common…All-or-nothing thinking refers to thinking in extremes. You are either a success or a failure. Your performance was totally good or totally bad. If you are not perfect, then you are a disaster.
To picture this in a way that makes it more relatable, just fill in the blanks: “I have to do [X], or [Y] will happen.”
Usually, [X] represents a task you’re avoiding or maybe it’s something you dislike doing, while [Y] often equals a negative outcome if [X] doesn’t get accomplished.
I bet it’s not too hard to replace [X] and [Y] to represent something you’ve experienced in the past.
Adopting an all-or-nothing mentality is like building unnecessary and unwanted gates walls in your brain.
(Here’s a little peek behind-the-curtain as I’m writing this: I initially wrote “gates”. However, as I continued, whenever I imagined a gate, I pictured a gate with an entrance/exit built in. But, all-or-nothing thinking doesn’t give you the option of leaving—you’re stuck with one single outcome and no escape—like you’re standing at a dead end in front of a brick wall.)
How do we get beyond the wall?
While the walls of all-or-nothing thinking don’t allow for new answers, there are ways to break down those thought barriers and find yourself on the other side where plenty more options are waiting.
Take care; be aware
A cognitive distortion like all-or-nothing thinking can be difficult to break down. Most of us have spent years building these restrictive walls in our minds. A lot of the time, this type of thinking may be so second nature that you don’t even realize when you’re doing it! This is where the practice of mindfulness is helpful. Mindfulness reminds you to be aware of what is happening right now—in the present—and that includes what you’re thinking in that moment. The more you train yourself to be aware of your thoughts, the easier it becomes to trap those limiting beliefs before they start building more barriers.
Be your own Sherlock
When you notice those black-or-white thoughts creeping in, get curious about what you’re thinking and ask yourself a few questions:
How does this thought make me feel?
Why do I think this is the only possible outcome?
Can I think of other possible outcomes, even if I don’t 100% believe them right now? What are they?
Now that I have considered other possibilities with a curious and open mindset, is it possible my original thought might not be the only solution?
Ask for help
If you’re still not seeing any other way, ask for a second opinion. Look for someone you trust and explain what you’re thinking. Ask them to share their thoughts and offer any suggestions or other outcomes that might be possible. Asking for an outside opinion can completely change the view of a given situation.
Now it’s time for a little practical application. Is there currently anything in your life that seems impossible or you feel like there’s no hope? Why not try the steps I’ve suggested above and see if you can start turning those dead-end walls into a gate that opens out onto more possibilities.
Thank you for your time and attention,
-Nikki
P.S. Before you go…
Explore all the ways Take Control ADHD is celebrating ADHD Awareness Month 2022:
Nikki has created three (3) different online courses designed to help you organize different parts of your life with ADHD.
Organizing Space Your Way
The Paper Solution
Organizing Time
Remember to use the coupon code ADHD2022 at checkout to receive this amazing offer!
Our good friends at ADDA have brought back their popular TADD Talks. Each day in October, you are given a short (9-10 min) video from one of 31 experts in ADHD. In fact, I was honored to be asked to submit a TADD Talk again this year (original air date: 10/02/22)! Sign up to receive your daily TADD Talks this month!
